It's not often I do 124mph down a Kent motorway but yesterday was a bit different.

Sorry officer:

"I had cramp"..."I didn't realise"..."I'm late for a cross-stitch class"..."I wondered why no-one was overtaking me"..."I haven't got my glasses on and couldn't see my speedo" ..."I've got to get my Schitz Shu to the vets"..."My nail's broken and I've got to get to A+E"..."Someone stole my snowman", were all the possible excuses I could have used but I didn't have to - haha, I got away with it!

¬_¬

There's something you need to know.

When you get stopped by a Traffic Officer, your excuse has already been heard at least 5,627,230+ times before and therefore the Officer has a bank of answers to give right back to you including a fine, points on your licence and/or a ticket in most circumstances; friendly advice on some occasions... if you're lucky.

You DO realise you've been stopped for a reason, don't you?  Ignorance is no excuse when it comes to the Law; it really isn't.

No, you're quite right, you weren't speeding but at the end of the day, something is not quite right with your vehicle which you may or may not know.  However, whatever the circumstance, you've chosen to ignore it and the chances are you think you won't get caught, so deep down if you do, your plan is to act dumb, play the fool, deny all knowledge - simplez.  No.

It might be because you have a wobbly/vibrating bumper or that your wheel arches at the rear of your vehicle are half an inch off your tyres or your tyres just look 'odd'.  It might be because your hook-up trailer looks naff.  It might be because you're hogging Lane 2 combined with something else that has caught a Traffic Cops eye and believe me they WILL look and they WILL check.

It might be you have no seatbelt on or your vehicle's MOT or insurance is out of date.  Oh yeah, you can be safe in the knowledge those fluffy, friendly, black cladded, lacy stocking wearing, white capped, hi-vizzed, Bodie and Doyle types know ALL about you before they've stopped you.

It might be because one of your passengers eyeballed a Police Officer the wrong way because he's had one too many Bristol Creams or has smoked the 'wrong' type of Golden Virgina; it could simply be your personalised numberplate doesn't fit your face ...not literally (however, in some circumstances, this could be a blessing).

If you're a foreign driver and you're flouting any of the UK Road Traffic/Safety Laws you won't be ignored like the old days.  You WILL be fined.  So just a friendly tip - make sure you've got plenty of GBP sterling on you, else unfortunately your vehicle won't be going anywhere near to Lithuania, let alone Dover.  Oh, another tip foreign brothers and sisters, don't barter or use your poker playing skills (strip or otherwise) with the Traffic Cops, it DOESN'T work.

No-one is immune to the Law in this country, including me.

Overall folks, what you don't seem to understand is you're getting stopped because you're compromising road safety; your safety, the safety of your loved ones and more importantly the safety of other roadusers around you on the road at any one time - if that's a coach, then ooooo, that's going to be about 60 odd people (someone elses mum, nan, dad, grandad, auntie, uncle, daughter, son, beloved friend).

"IT's Not Going To Happen To Me Syndrome" is a general life philosophy for a large proportion of people however, when IT does happen, there's nothing you can do about it.  You're getting stopped because "IT will happen to you if you don't do something about it" - howzat for a better understanding?  Terminal illness however, is a different story - that's a roulette you can't do anything about.

They're not called The Professionals for nothing.

A big thank you to RoSPA Kent for organising Police Shadowing with Kent Police Road Traffic Unit (Coldharbour), especially Graham and Alex for putting up with the old crow in the back - I had a great day; thanks for breaking my racetrack record

ps. No evidence of lacy stockings whatsoever to be fair.

I hear Jeremy Clarkson's had a bit of trouble with his garden fence; he should have creasoted it to be fair, then perhaps it wouldn't have fallen down so easily.  What a shame... poor Jeremy ¬_¬

A few weeks ago Mr 'Loophole' Nick Freeman, lawyer to the 'stars', opened a fab debate regarding raising the speed limit on the motorways.  I have a few choice words to say on this.  This man is nothing but a 4x4, A to B driving pen-pushing, armchair anarchist.  Mr Freeman needs to look up "Cery's Law" and read a little bit more into the carnage a particular footballer created after killing two little boys, leaving a family completely broken.

I've been reading about lorry drivers who have been killing cyclists 'because they didn't see them'.

I've collected frequent articles on dishonest driving instructors which really gets on my... big end.

I see Oxfordshire County Council have turned their speed cameras back on again after a rise in road deaths... (-silence- makes a change eh).

And I've been reading about head on collisions.

I hear Lewis Hamilton's brother Nicolas, made his debut motor-racing appearance at Brands Hatch this weekend to follow in his brother's footsteps and to prove again, disability does not have to hold you back from achieving anything.  Congratulations on 12th place in the AirAsia Renault Clio Cup, Team Nicolas.

I've YouTubed the first demo of the electric powered Rolls Royce.  Sorry guys, I know I'm a woman and I know you've spent a cartload of money on this thing but LMAO, ROFLMAO, LOL.  It'll go even more like the wind after the armour plated glass, doors and 'special' tyres are fitted.  Oh did I say wind, I meant a cool summer, net curtain breeze.  Nice try though but hey, what do I know; teach me.

In May, thanks to Kent RoSPA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents), I'm going out on a Saturday 2-10pm shift with Kent Traffic Police with my eyes and ears open and my gob shut, to have a most privileged driving lesson (no pressure guys and gals, none at all - we've all read the same book...).

Anyway, yes, I'm afraid I'm backkkkk.  The above just scratches and sniffs the surface; I have lots of things to write about, so many in fact that it's going to be difficult to choose where to start.

Watch this space...

Αυτά μου φαίνονται ελληνικά…  It’s all Greek to me.  When reading the advice given out about driving in bad weather conditions, it always makes me want to spoon-gob the entire contents of a tin of Coleman’s Mustard Powder because I believe there needs to be more detail than the helpful, safe language that is used.  I get asked things that stem from simple advice like this, which some think is commonsense or “everyone knows that” or “they must be thick” – it’s not always commonsense, no they don’t and so what if they are, it doesn’t matter; stop judging and start helping.

Therefore, I’ve put the terminology provided by this article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8443690.stm into layperson’s language below.  This information is not based on a specific car or technique or anything complicated, I’ve just sorted the wheat from the chaff with some plain speaking for those who are not familiar or need a more basic understanding:

"DRIVING IN SNOW AND ICE"
"...When driving in snow, get your speed right - not too fast so that you risk losing control, but not so slow that you risk losing momentum when you need it - and brake, steer and accelerate as smoothly as possible..."  What is a good speed in the ice and snow?  The word ‘speed’ is the wrong terminology.  ‘Progress’ is better.  Speed will always be associated by the general public with going fast.  Keep your progress slow and allow extra time to get to where you want to be.

"...Start gently from stationary, avoiding high revs. If you get yourself into a skid the main thing to remember is to take your foot off the pedals and steer..."  How do you start gently?  What does gentle mean in driving terms?  It means SLOW, it means it’s going to take you longer because you’ve got to do things more DELICATELY than normal.  A skid is what happens in the dry and the wet, it is not what happens in ice and snow; the tyres slip because there is no contact between them and the tarmac/ground.  The wheels lock and basically you are just sliding.  Where there is sludge, there is a skid and slip risk.  There are two types of skid; front wheel and rear wheel.  Keep CALM.  Steer into whatever direction the car is going during the skid to find some grip.  Skidding aside, general steering out of trouble is good but don’t do it suddenly.  Keep a firm grip of the steering wheel and don’t let it slip through your hands; feed it.  Don't think of Jeremy Clarkson antics when you do this.

"...Only use the brake if you cannot steer out of trouble..."  To be honest, if you use your brakes on the snow/ice – they won’t work; the tyres will just slip - like a 4x4 does on a muddy track and you’ll be more out of control.  The key to not braking suddenly is looking ahead and thinking about what you need to do for what’s happening in the distance before you get anywhere near the trouble.  If you have to use it, use it early and use it delicately.  Adjust your foot position so you’re not using your foot-balls.

"...Double or even triple your normal stopping distance from the vehicle in front. Drive so that you do not rely on your brakes to be able to stop - on an icy surface they simply may not do that for you!..."  What is normal stopping distance?  Most don’t know because they’ve forgotten or their driving instructor didn’t cover it in detail.  What about braking distances?  What is a braking distance?  What about the distance you’ve travelled before your foot has actually connected with the brake pedal?  In a nutshell, SPACE is TIME - time to think about what you need to do for what is going to happen in the distance.  Initially, reducing progress can be simply achieved by just taking your foot off the gas pedal ('acceleration sense'), therefore automatically creating more space in front of you without the need for braking at that moment in time.

The key is in your observations - see with your feet and I don't mean take your socks off and put your plates* on your dashboard so your toes can see out of the windscreen.  I mean use reflex in your gas foot in relation to what you are seeing.  If you get used to doing this in normal weather conditions, it will become natural to your driving style and help you in any type of weather.  How do you determine enough space?  eg, imagine:  The width of a football pitch, the width of a supermarket carpark, the length of your garden (if you have a long one), the height of the building you live in (unless you live in a bungalow – don’t be difficult… I’m way ahead of you).  Try to use something you can associate with, that means something to you.  Looking at the length of 2 cars parked in a road is not enough space to provide enough time in which to decide what you’ve got to do.

nb* - plates / plates of meat = feet (Cockney Rhyming Slang)

"...If your vehicle has ABS in very slippery conditions it will not give you the same control it would in others. Do not rely on it..."  What is ABS?  Anti-lock Braking System.  What IS the main advantage of it? Should we ‘rely’ on it even in normal driving conditions?  No, we should never ‘rely’ on it – the main advantage of it is that it allows you to steer if the wheels lock.  If you are braking and it engages, you are braking too suddenly or too much.  What does it feel like?  You feel a vibration under your braking foot; a bit like a hook has fallen out of the bottom of the vehicle and is scraping along the floor.  Move your foot position on the brake pedal to allow for more control – if you brake with your foot-balls, it’s too hard.  Never rely on your vehicle – ever.  Rely on YOU.

"TOP TIPS FOR DRIVING IN SNOW AND ICE"
"...Plan your journey around busier roads as they are more likely to have been gritted.  Avoid using shortcuts on minor roads - they are less likely to be cleared or treated with salt, especially country lanes..."  Good advice and terminology.  Does what it says on the tin.  See  http://extranet7.kent.gov.uk/SaltingRoutes/Map.aspx for Kent's major and secondary gritting routes.

"...On motorways stay in the clearest lane where possible, away from slush and ice. Keep within the clear tyre tracks if you can..."  Not bad but bear in mind those clear tyre tracks are still wet/slippery and might have also frozen in patches where micro-climates are (ie, black ice where the sun hasn’t been).  This applies to any time of the day.  Be aware.  Never think ‘it’s not going to happen’.

"...Stay in a higher gear for better control, and if it is slippery, in a manual car move off in a higher gear, rather than just using first..."  What is meant by higher gear, lower gear?  More power or less power?  When people use the terminology re lower/higher gears, they are referring to the actual numbers on the gearstick.  Gears are all about power.  Gear 1 is the most powerful.  So what they mean here is a gear with less power in it, being 2 or 3.  You must use the clutch bite balance ‘slowly’, else it will stall.  If you set too much gas pedal, the engine will rev too high and the wheels will start to spin.  Move your foot position so your foot-balls are off the main part of the gas pedal so you can control the pressure you’re applying more effectively.

"...On a downhill slope get your speed low before you start the descent, and do not let it build up - it is much easier to keep it low than to try to slow down once things get slippery..."  Think way ahead about this.  Can you go another route?  Use engine braking in gear 1.  This holds your vehicle at a particular speed ie, about 5-15 mph depending on your vehicle and how steep the hill/slope is.  Once in gear, keep your foot away from the clutch.  When you push the clutch down, it releases the engaged gear from holding back the wheel speed, therefore they spin faster because they are revolving freely - rather like the wheels on a toy car.  Adjust your foot position so you don’t use your foot-balls on the brake pedal.  Use the pedals delicately.  Take your time; a lot of time and ignore pressure from other impatient drivers.

"...In falling snow use dipped headlights or foglights to make yourself visible to others (especially pedestrians) - but as conditions improve make sure your foglights are only on if necessary as they can dazzle other drivers..."  Your ‘dipped’ headlights are your ‘headlights’.  “Foglights” = Low visibility lights.  Low visibility means you cannot see more than 100 metres in front of you; be it snow, fog OR spray on the motorway day or night.  BE SEEN.  Why are they called 'dipped headlights'?  The actual bulb tips (on some vehicles) have been ‘dipped’ in something to make them dimmer.  Make sure all your lights are clear of ice/snow/frost before you drive.  Check your tail lights and your brake lights.  You’re checking the bulbs haven’t blown.  It takes 5 minutes before you set out.  It is illegal to drive with defective headlights and you should have at least two brake lights working.  Check them regularly – BE SEEN in the daylight, SEE in the dark.  In bad weather conditions, the same applies.

"...If you are following another vehicle at night, using their lights to see ahead can cause you to drive dangerously close - keep well back from other traffic..."  Not a bad piece of advice but how far back is "keep well back"?  Difficult to judge in the dark.  Think ‘small’ tail lights to determine distance and if you see brake lights, reduce your progress, even though you consider you have left a big enough gap.  You can’t see what that other driver has seen up ahead.  Just believe the unexpected.  It doesn’t matter if it hasn’t happened; you’ve reacted to be pro-active.  Space is time remember.  What does pro-active mean in driving terms?  It means you’re thinking ahead to what ‘might’ happen and preparing before it ‘might’ occur.  A bit like Christmas food shopping…. just in case unexpected visitors arrive.  If it doesn’t happen; it doesn’t matter - all the more for you!

We take our knowledge about driving for granted, however, it's always limited to what we learnt from the early days and what we've learnt through experience since that time, if we haven't already brushed with the Harold Pottery world of Advanced Driving.  I've used many techniques with licence holders in the past to improve their driving from a safety viewpoint.  At first, they say "err that feels weird, I really don't want to do it" and then at the end of their drive say "hmmm, that made such a difference, it's easier".

However, like life... you can't please all the people all the time and that's why I've got a Kevlar tongue... because I've had to bite it so much.

Μία γλώσσα δεν είναι ποτέ αρκετή...  One language is never enough.

 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevlar

http://www.roada.org.uk/ - Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents

http://www.iam.org.uk/ - Institute of Advanced Motorists

Sometimes as an outsider, I despair.  I meet all these people (young and not so young) who want to learn to drive and then I meet their parents/guardians/partners.  No-one likes hearing the truth but I'm afraid guys and gals, I have to say something on behalf of preserving the sanity and development of your offspring/charges/partners.

As a driving instructor, I'm not interested in your personal judgment of someone else, I'm interested wholly in the person who wants to learn and what they've got to say for themselves.  My job is them.  Not you.  Professionally, I will form my own judgment and constructively correct it where it's required.

For example, I met a parent the other day who informed me (post driving event) "oh, she's a bit backward".  How much more can you put a 16 year old down?  I'd just spent two hours in the car with this lady and recognised she was rather shy and had a slight learning difficulty which was catered for.  She did very well with a lot of support and she surprised herself by the amount she had achieved.

I had another person tell me all about the personality of their 'charge' before I'd even met them.  Now that alerts (yet again) the reference to - Control Freak - it's the point where sirens and big flashy lights go off for me because the learner will lack confidence and more than likely, have zero self esteem.  It makes me let out a big sigh; similar to the dying sound of an expiring balloon, when it's neck is forcibly stretched widthways.

I've had mothers protectively warning me about their daughters and how nervous they are.  Fathers sternly giving me that look, 'you're a woman, what do you know' (I particularly get sadistic enjoyment when that happens; a bit, like when I'm doing 30mph in a 30mph speed limit).

In this scenario, I have a coping mechanism and that is the question "What do you do for a living?"  (Thank you Harry).  It has stopped many a gob in it's tracks.  Burly Builders, Actuarial Accountants, Steaming Stockbrokers, Judging Journalists (hmmm quite recently that one - don't try to instruct in my learning vehicle - he knows who he is).  Anyway folks, would you like me to tell you how to do your job?  I suspect the answer is no - well, with all due respect, please don't try to tell me how to do mine.

Can ye all just gimme another break?  Just a little one.  I love you but you're exhausting and a touch screwed up in some circumstances, to be blatantly honest.  You might be paying the bill but leave me to do my job and stop the pre-empting.  The person you know and love is not the personality that comes out behind my steering wheel.

So the above described is the Rock.

The hard place is money.  It's going to cost in total approximately £1,500 to learn to drive these days; depending on the price a driving instructor charges, including the cost of the Theory and Practical tests and the books.  You don't have to buy all the 'Pass Your Test' packages that cost an arm and a leg - this is opportunist marketing in my opinion.  All you need is the Highway Code at £2.50, the internet for practice Theory questions and borrow the Hazard Perception DVD from the library or a friend.  You only need it once in your life - don't waste your money.

The DSA (Driving Standards Agency) recommends that an average learner has approximately 47 hours professional tuition and 20 private - that's nearly 70 hours of road experience before taking the first Practical Test.  Everyone is different and has variable learning abilities, so for some, it may take a little longer.
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/LearnerAndNewDrivers/LearningToDriveOrRide/DG_4022483

If you're older, it will take longer because your attitude to risk is more defined and your personal limitations have matured, this is all due to the risk area in your brain being fully developed - yes bio-science comes into this... believe it or not.  It's actually all very fascinating (it's ok, I know I'm sad).

When you learn to drive, you use a totally different slot in your brain.  It's called the 'psychomotor' area - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychomotor_learning.  In a nutshell, psycho = thinking, motor = doing.  A symptom of using the psychomotor area of the brain is lack of co-ordination and mixing left up with right (and vice versa).  Again, lots of manoeuvre practice will sort this out, so persevere.

Where the Payer of the learner is pushing for the cheapest price and to cut corners, they are actually restricting the valuable learning time of the person in the hot seat and unknowingly putting them under a lot of pressure - enter transfer of blame to the ADI (Approved Driving Instructor) when it starts to take longer than expected to learn to drive.  As driving instructors, we can't cut corners with the Law or a stranger's brain activity or learning interpretation.  We're not miracle workers, although some Payers deem us to be because they don't understand why we can't do it in the quickest time possible within 'their' control parameters.  If this doesn't happen - exit the pupil and in the words of Vinny Jones... it's been emotional.

Further explanation as to why it is so expensive these days is this:

Driving instructors are highly trained people in comparison with those of 60 million years ago when us oldies originally learnt to drive.  An awful lot of love, time, effort and money goes into becoming a good driving instructor and we never stop paying or continuing to learn.  If you're paying for an hours lesson of £20, contrary to mythical belief, approximately 3/4's of that does not go in our back pocket.  We have fuel, engineering, insurance, franchise, car hire and tyres to pay for, not to mention further training and renewal of licences which costs a considerable amount of money.  In addition, <Q "Psycho" music> there is the Taxman's 'payment on account' to deal with (Google this because I'm not going to explain due to the fact it makes me sob uncontrollably and there's nothing worse than a grizzly woman).

So all in all, if you do the calculations, us driving instructors do not take home a lot of salary.  YOU get your net salary paid by BACS into your bank account and you see an healthy amount; we don't.  You give it to us in little bits, so this allows you to see yourself separating with a tangible amount, which then makes you cough uncontrollably and start disputing what you are paying.

People who choose a career in driving instruction will never become millionaires, so quit with the "it's really expensive can you give me a discount" line.  It's different to someone who hands over a product which they're selling.  We're selling our souls... in some cases to the Devil but you know, he's actually a very nice bloke most of the time, if you don't rub him up the wrong way with a fire lighter.

If I was a millionaire... and I make this romantic promise here in writing - I'd do this job for free; purely to save the life that's stuck in that mossy crevice between the rock and the hard place.

I love it, despite what affect it's having on MY life.

Ok, so listen up Comrades... when it comes to 'us' (the general public) being told anything about driving, it's usually the Government, the Government Agency (DSA - the licence peeps), the DVLA (the car peeps), safety groups, the Police, car manufacturers or... unfortunately, Jeremy Clarkson (don't get me started on him... he has a lot to answer for I'm afraid and he is NOT good for the driving public.  He's excellent for car manufacturers, yes (sell, sell, sell) but his actual leaky, driving opinion/style and the way he delivers it, no.

Don't get me wrong; I'm no Mary Whitehouse or a driving prude.  I like the programme as a rule if I'm around to catch it.  I like him as 'entertainment' but I'm seeing his TV persona driving attitude having an affect on people; specifically young people.  No, I'm not going to mention the word 'irresponsible' because that's not the correct terminology to use here and it makes me sound like a steaming matriarch, which I'm not.  However, I will refer that Jeremy Clarkson appears to have turned into a religion.

Pushing Jezzarianity well aside, in fact so far so, it falls off the discussion table (it's ok, there's a blunt-cut, straw-filled, hessian mattress on the floor), there is no 'Inbetweener' who draws everything about 'real' road driving together (not even that other programme with Vicki Butler-Henderson on Channel 5) and puts it in layperson's terms for us - men and women alike.  It's like time's stood still for 6 million years when it comes to driving in the media; rather like the thorny, perma curls on Jezza's head.

When I look up anything to do with driving or motoring (on the internet especially), I get the same old thing; cheap cars with women draped over them, expensive cars with women draped over them and last but not least, Jeremy Clarkson sermons (they couldn't pay any women enough to be draped over him, even with luncheon vouchers thrown in).

It's not a taboo subject.  It's something we, both males and females,  take for granted, day in day out, like brushing teeth, going to the loo or making a cup of tea or anything else equally as mundane and not thought about.  With things as they are on the road and increasingly getting more challenging, it should be in our face everyday; like Colgate, Andrex and Tetley.

Real road driving isn't referred to at all unless it's a funny story,  a crash or solid information on a need to know basis.  In addition,  we have to suffer a great deal of advice from racing drivers or ex-racing drivers.  Yes, fine; they're good for their opinion about driving on a racetrack but put them on a public road and you've got an ego problem... oh funnily enough, that's exactly what is wrong with what's going on out there today <rolls eyes>.

Without wanting to sound like teaching Grandma or Grandpa to suck eggs; racing driving is different to rally driving, is different to 4x4 driving, is all different to every day ROAD driving and although bits can be taken from each driving category to increase driving style knowledge, the techniques are lost in practical translation by  people who drive a daily A to B grind... enter the Emergency Services.

We are so used to seemingly being 'nannied', 'told off', 'restricted', 'informed' by the powers-that-be, that the current 'advertising' messages are interpretated negatively not positively and ultimately not prioritised by their audience; a bit like a person who's been told not to do something - they still do it.  For example:

Don't speed - (attitude)
Don't drink and drive - (attitude/lifestyle)
Don't take drugs and drive - (attitude/lifestyle)
Don't use your mobile phone - (attitude/lifestyle)
Don't drive without insurance - (attitude/money)

As you can see, these examples all have something in common in that they are all legalities and are flouted daily.  So why?  It's quite simple psychology really.  Past 'orders' we've received from the disciplinarian in the household whilst growing up haven't helped much with preventing a population of anti-christ drivers either eg:

Don't pick, it'll get infected. <picks again>
Don't slam the door <slams the door>
Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again! <does it again>
Don't talk with your mouth full! <replies with mouth full>
Don't interrupt. <interrupts again>

So fundamentally, it's a deep-set conditioning whereby we rebel when we are 'told' or 'ordered' to do something and it doesn't make a Jeremy Clarkson ear lobe bit of difference that it's the Law to the lawless, unless of course, they get caught.  That's the only time when we realise driving is a privilege, not a right.

Driving messages need to be communicated to the masses similar to the way the ongoing non-smoking campaign has been.  Smoking has been a subject that's been on everyone's lips for quite a while now since the initial legal blanket smothering.  We have been persuasively nutured by the NHS since that time and have also been given a tiny bit of help from the cigarette companies with copious pictures of black lungs, the Movembered bloke with the veiny, neck grapes and the photoshopped baby passively exhaling.  Non-smoking is in our faces every day and has become a debate that has bonded people, whether for or against; attitude/behaviour towards it is changing.  So how can driving behaviour be changed?

A phrase that comes to mind at this point is "if you always do what you've always done, you'll never change".  It would make a gargantuan difference if someone would recognise that the current rhetoric / wording used when highlighting driving subjects in the media these days is of a tone people don't relate to.  Like politics, there is apathy related to driving and the general driving public end up taking no notice unless it is forced upon them; just like a general election.

The companies who provide us with this information, back it up by saying words like 'extensive research has been carried out'.  That research is a snapshot from one period of time which is not enough to get a true picture of ongoing help that is needed on the road.

From my own intense experience on the road, I can relate to some of the information they provide but their research weakness is not being on the road long enough to observe our driving behaviour or connect with our day to day driving complacency and why it's happening; either that or they use research they've performed in the USA based on American culture which is a million leagues away from our own.

It's another of those situations whereby they're trying to shut the gate after Jeremy Clarkson and his goat have bolted.  They can disguise it as 'advice' but it all appears to be rules bellowed by authority.  Rules are meant to be broken and that's the attitude of the general public.

Got any ideas blud?

http://www.kentonline.co.uk/kentonline/news/2010/october/22/more_killed_on_kents_roads.aspx

Ok, so the guy from Roadpeace (who I'm an avid supporter of) has mentioned motorists need to be more patient when on the road.  I'm sorry to be a killjoy to such simplicity but this is just not going to happen.  Looking up the meaning of impatience, bluntly, I had a good laugh (particularly when visualising the Great British Public trying out the remedies).  Here's a few definitions to enlighten you:

"..,A tendency to be impatient is considered a major personality flaw.  People who suffer from severe impatience are often considered to be arrogant, insensitive, and overbearing..."  http://www.essortment.com/all/whatispatience_rynl.htm

"...im·pa·tience
[im-pey-shuhns]
–noun
1. lack of patience.
2. eager desire for relief or change; restlessness.
3. intolerance of anything that thwarts, delays, or hinders..."  http://www.humanityquest.com/topic/Definitions/index.asp?theme1=impatience

"...Impatience is selfishness..."  http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/129336

"...What is impatience? It is the frustration, anger, and resentment you feel when you’re not able to control a situation to your liking..."
http://lifelearningtoday.com/2007/08/17/impatience-release-your-grip/

"...Impatience is the inability to wait or persevere calmly, without anger, dejection or defeatism, or irrational action..."
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_meaning_of_impatience

Well, what a mixed bag of negative human emotion that is.  2 million years ago (maybe more/less, believe it or not, I wasn't there, so gimme a break) there was nothing like this to 'help us improve'.  We just got on with it.  Can you imagine a caveman self-examining his emotions whilst he's pulling the wifey along the ground by her hair?  She's having to be patient whilst he gets to a suitable bit of ground to ravage her on; he's having to be patient whilst she loses sufficient consciousness from the throws of his bashing tool and the hairy mammoth hiding behind that bush over there is having to be patient before he tramples them both.

Recently and more realistically, over the past 100+ years, our brave soldiers have had to be very patient with all the jobs they're doing.  If they don't, they risk their life, the lives of their team mates and ruin the planned missions designed to protect and improve the lives of many others.  http://www.poppy.org.uk/

Impatience is one of those many human traits which has simply slipped due to lifestyle and choice.  Why should we have to wait whilst someone of a lesser intelligence, importance or less able, does their thing?  Stop right there.  The simple explanation for this is people have no self control these days.  They have when it suits them but when it comes to others, no.  Lack of patience (in my opinion) is a result of lack of discipline, order, empathy and increasing mass selfishness in the society in which we live.

When I have a person learning to drive (whatever age) in my car, one of the main reasons they can't concentrate is because they fear licensed drivers (or unlicensed/uninsured drivers in many cases).  Therefore, having interpreted the negative behaviour, ie, facial expressions, hand gestures, tailgating, risky overtaking (thus breaking the speed limit), it puts them off which makes them more likely to make a mistake hence fueling the impatience 'bucket' of the driver who created the situation in the first place.  Yes, it's your fault!!  People seem to forget they were learners once; a bit like the pain of having a baby or the pain of England losing the World Cup AGAIN.

Some licensed drivers are unaware how dangerous some of their driving decisions are even though they've had many years of experience on the road.  It's down to all sorts; including fear, lack of knowledge or attention, late choices and varying levels of confidence.

Where there's no balance; there is hazard (the buzz word used in driving these days for a situation that puts you in some kind of risk or danger because you either have to change direction or speed).  I am constantly aware the worst is going to happen with other roadusers.  Being a driver who's got advanced training and knowledge (which I debate, should be standard training for all drivers these days), I look for things happening before they actually do - which is all the time.  That requires a lot of concentration.  That's in addition to calming down a trainee driver that you've just given the hee-bee-gee-bees to because you had a bad day.  Nice.  Thanks.  You don't care.  Oh well, let's hope you don't need me or any other nice person to phone 999 for you one day and be a witness to your RTC that's made you paralysed then.  That's how strongly I feel.  Why should I?  You're someone else's problem not mine.

Like many roadusers, my duty of care is too positively ingrained for me to act as selfishly as you would - so you're lucky if it does happen because I would help you.  However, I would also give a very detailed witness account to the Police of how you managed to get yourself into trouble and the manner in which you were driving half an hour previous to your RTC.  Do you remember the bit when you cut us up, having undertook at 90mph on the A21 yesterday when we were doing 70mph because you weren't patient enough to wait for my trainee driver to come back into Lane 1 again?

That's a potential collision speed of 160mph.  How did you know your tyre wasn't going to blow out at that very moment?  Have you checked them lately?  No, purely from your driving ability, I can see your conscience wouldn't stretch as far to ensure your vehicle was actually roadworthy.

Mousemeat - all of us, including the vehicles travelling behind and in front and perhaps over the central reservation.  Vehicles colliding at that speed don't just stop; nor do the bodies that fly out the windows because they haven't got a seatbelt on - like yours.  They keep moving.

Someone has to clear up the mess you've made, when it needn't have happened in the first place.

Consequences of impatience.

http://www.roadpeace.org/

"You've got smaller than massive pulmonary embolism [blood clots] on both lungs; the left is worse than the right" he said.  "They're as a result of a deep vein thrombosis.  At this time, we need to give you a large amount of a very strong drug to dissolve the blood clots which may cause internal bleeding including a stroke".  "Oh I'm not dead then, that's good news because I haven't allowed for it in the diary" she said.  "When can I go back to work?"

So this was what I was faced with on Friday 1st October.  No warning apart from a sudden lack of breath after walking 6ft which prompted me to call NHS Direct and then my neighbour Lorna, who basically saved my life through her stubborness.  Well actually, it was my stubborness.

So the nickname for this DVT/PE thing is 'Economy Class Syndrome'.  What a load of marketing tosh that is.  Fair enough it's highlighting it as a health danger but the association with air travel might make people think it only happens when you're in the air - it doesn't.  So my conspiracy theory is this; it must be a psychological ploy to encourage the less knowing travellers to buy a business class ticket - surely?

Someone referred to it as the "Couch Potato Disease" which apparently brews heart disease.  As a result of the extensive tests I had done at Maidstone Hospital, I'm relieved to know I have a good heart in more ways than one.  In any case, like my family and friends, my couch hasn't seen my gluteus mahoosiveness for quite a while because I've been working hard trying to be successful.

So where's it come from then?  Congenital or lifestyle?  Why am I writing about it on a driving blog?  I haven't had the results of the congenital yet, so let's have a butcher's at my lifestyle:

1. I've commuted on a coach to and from London for 20 years (averaging about 4 hours travel a day with that one).  Being a big bird, I've always had my knees pushing the seat in front so plenty of opportunity for a clot to gather in my lower leg there.
2. Then for the past 3 years, driving and working every hour Elvis sends, to pay my bills (123,000 miles is a lot of driving).  Minimal leg movement, minimal exercise, minimal help for my blood cells to be pumped up from my ankles.
3. Living off chicken and stuffing sandwiches and coffee at odd times, from Shell petrol stations, which hasn't provided a sufficient enough environment for my blood to do it's job properly.
4. Having a fag puff or ten at rest, in the aftermath of Polish and Irish lorry side swipes at high speed, has possibly given me furry tubes and sticky blood thus restricting the flow round my body Autobahn.
5. I am overweight for my height but always have been, so nothing new there.  If I was the medical weight for my height, I'd be a bean-pole and I don't want that.  So I'll stick with the in-proportion/voluptuousness that is 'W-O-M-A-N', thanks very much.
6. I had recently had a night cramp in my left calf - you know the ones that make you jump out of bed in agony and take ages to stop feeling sore.
7. I have also banged my shin a couple of times with an heavy metal Give Way sign (that's another story) which was excrutiatingly painful, producing a mark but no surface bruising.

All that and I'm 43 and never been kissed - a Jeremy Kyle nightmare.

So looking at some of the causes of DVT/PE, I unknowingly ticked most of the boxes for sudden onset.  There's me thinking it was a persistent chest infection due to a bit of coughing and wheezing for the couple of months previous to Doomsday.

In efforts to highlight what I've been through and perhaps nudge other stubborn driving gîtes into having a little look at their lifestyle habits or get checked out, I tried to find a website that advised on general driver health (pre-emergency); anything that affected any driver (ie, male/female, young/old, long/short haul driving).  I AOL'd and Googled  the following simple searches:

'Driver's disease', the only thing that came up was Legionnaire's disease caused by dirty windscreen wash-water.

'Illnesses caused by driving' highlighted accidents caused by sudden illness.

'Driver illnesses' highlighted older drivers; illness and medication

'Healthy driver' highlighted truck drivers

'Healthy driving' highlighted Men's health and Taxi driving

And, as you can see, came up with a big, fat clotty nothing, zilch, nil point, for general driver health.

I dare say, some clever ar.. person will come up with something but how are you going to find something hidden on page 10 of a web search if you're like me (if it's not on the first page, it's not important enough etc).  I mention the web a lot, that's because there's nothing in the helpful leaflet boxes in Doctor's waiting rooms other than "How to die quietly", "Living with haemarroids", "Hairy lady chins; how to cope", that kind of thing.

I've only been prompted to look up DVT/PE post-event which appears to be a case of shutting the gate after the horse has bolted - it's something drivers of any type wouldn't even consider.  A prime example of "it'll never happen to me syndrome" - didn't even give it a first thought, let alone a second. Perhaps because I wasn't aware.

90% of us drive (don't quote me but it's a lot, let's face it).  There should be more freely available collective information.  We have health for sport, health for pregnancy, health for work, health for holidays but no health for driving (from day 1 of passing the driving test) - it's something most of us do everyday.

Yeah, I think I have a point Houston.

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/travelhealth/Pages/DVTMarkPownall.aspx

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_vein_thrombosis

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_embolism

http://www.thrombosis-charity.org.uk/cms/index.php

A BIG THANK YOU
The NHS care I received at Maidstone Hospital was second to none.  Thank you to everyone there; A&E, Resus, CCU, Culpepper Ward, the Phlebs and the Pharmas.  Not to mention the porters who had to lug my carcass around.

ALSO TO:
Lorna and Jackie and family and friends who will have to put up with me for a bit longer.  Not to mention my pupils for being patient (no pun intended).  I'll be back soon, I promise.

There are many catalysts of entertainment when I'm on the road other than people's bad driving.  Dogs, their owners and the grace and delicacy with which some people fall over are included in this.

I recently saw a man do a Superman impression through a plate glass open doorway (good job it's automatic sensor was working that day).  Luckily he managed to save himself and pretend nothing had happened.  He ignored me when I asked if he was ok.  When people react this way, it triggers untimely, involuntarily diaphragm giggles, supported by unladylike outbursts of snorting which I have no control over... sorry.

Then there's a canine persona that I see all over the place and I've named it the 'Endal spirit'.  It's nothing to do with a technical debate about 'good' breeding or extensive training.  In my opinion,  it's simply a natural quality which I believe every dog has, which is held back behind a smog of human ignorance.  Just a few, small observations, over a continued period of time have clotted together to produce some of my favourite, ignorant dog-walking characters:

Cruella de Vile - posh, middle-aged, affluent.  Usually wears a pair of Hunters (posh expensive wellies) with a skirt.  Always on a mission.  The dog's tail is hung religiously at half-mast because it's not allowed to enjoy itself when it goes for a walk.
 
The Yanker - male or female any age.  Constantly yanking at the dog lead so much so, the dog's head actually flops a bit.  If you're lucky to catch it; sometimes the entire body of the dog comes off the ground.

Man having an affair - walking slowly, texting or on the mobile.  The dog's quite confused as to whether it's allowed to sniff it's weemails as it knows only too well, it's owner is a bit of a yanker.

Woman having an affair - walking with a purpose, texting or on the mobile.  Occasionally stopping to giggle.  The dog's not sure what it's supposed to do apart from sit or lay down whilst she finishes her giggle, which can last anything up to half hour in all types of weather.

Fitness Freak - runner or cyclist with dog.  These dogs actually look the most happiest with their ears flapping but it's a bit difficult for them to pause for their business because they'll just get dragged along the ground at 20mph due to there being no actual stopping during this enthusiastic, human exercise routine.  The dog has most likely been subjected to some kind of vegetarianism at some stage.

Beanie/hoodie bloke/bird with killer dog - usually short/young, underweight with an acne issue, accompanied by a faint aroma of Dog Daisies.  This dog pretends.  It is unpredictable due to the psychotic way in which it's been treated since it was a puppy.

The Control Freak - usually has a dog and approximately three children attached.  The dog is treated like the partner and the children and vice versa.  It's usually the partner who ends up going to look for Chum (in more ways than one).

Angry Attention Seeker - usually always got the gob open and shouting abuse at the dog.  When will owners realise their dog's aren't deaf.  Also dogs don't understand words per se; only sound tones.

And then these people get in their cars and become a road safety, risk assessors nightmare:

Cruella de Vile still drives her partner's 4X4 in her Hunters.  No idea of spatial awareness.  Has dangerous welly driving habit and possibly the reason why it takes her 20 minutes to manoeuvre in and out a parking spot when she goes shopping because she can't feel the pedal through her footwear.

The Yanker still yanks his/her steering wheel, handbrake; literally anything that's mechanically made for yanking.  They're totally lost if they don't have something to yank at hand.  They tend to drive at a squashed suspension angle of 45° when going round a corner at speed; position is wide.  Messy when tyre blows out or meets oncoming articulated lorry.

Man having an affair parks up a lot anywhere and at short notice without a signal; including double yellow lines.  He gets home eventually having had a late meeting at the office.

Woman having an affair uses her mobile whilst driving and gets away with it. Takes other hand off steering wheel to run through hair whilst giggling, thus leaving no hands on steering wheel at the point of hitting a large pothole that's been missed by the Council.

Fitness freak speeds and gets away with it.  Tailgator.  Tends not to stop at scene of road traffic collision as in too much of a hurry.

Beanie/hoodie bloke/bird drives a car without MOT, insurance or a licence for all sorts of reasons but still gets away with it; usually because they've had a deprived upbringing <rolls eyes>.

The Control Freak usually puts everyone in the back of her vehicle, including the long suffering partner, where she can eye them in the rearview mirror.  Her handbag takes the prime front seat beside her, it's heavy and unbelted - a free, dynamic weight in the event of a road traffic collision.

Angry Attention Seeker - shouts at other drivers even though they can't hear him/her.  Tailgator.  Risk-taker.  Competitive.  Only considers duty of care to themselves and no-one else.

So, although initially entertaining, even the seemingly minor personality traits you exude (eg, aggressive, impatient, controlling, impulsive, nervous, easily distracted etc) are the heads up to others you are likely to do something unpredictable; make an error or take a risk with your driving.  It's useful information.  The Data Protection Act 1998 can't help you with this one; you're leaking it out all over the place.

On behalf of dogs everywhere; apart from humanising, feeding and exercising them, give them a bit more credit for their intelligence.  They have all potentially got an Endal in them - nurture it; you might need it one day.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endal

http://www.houndsforheroes.com

<for Allen & EJ>

If you drop a stone into a puddle, the waves of the water ring and ripple out the roundness of the impact.  It doesn't matter what size the stone is; there's still a flotilla of shock waves dispersing from the centrepoint.  The same thing happens when there's a tragedy related to the quantity of people who are affected when there's a road traffic collision (RTC).

Take Jemma E Fhartson for example.  She has a RTC; a serious one.  She's the only one involved because she hit a tree (stupid woman driver).  She meets a barky end.

She has an immediate (nuclear) family of 4
She has an extended family of 30
She has 50 friends

So let's total it up = 84 people heard the tragic news of Jemma's sappy demise.  Bad news travels fast... but wait a minute...  people talk:

Each individual in Jemma's nuclear family has 20 friends:  4 x 20 = 80
Each individual in Jemma's extended family has 20 friends:  30 x 20 = 600
Each friend of Jemma's has a nuclear family of 4:  50 x 4 = 200

Giving a revised total of = 880 people receiving rooten rotten news.

So 84 + 880 = 884 people are mourning or rejoicing Jemma's branch to the 'other side'.

Hang on, what about:

The emergency service teams:
Fire = 12 / Police = 6 / Ambulance = 4

People first on the scene = 3 / Staff at hospital = 20

Totalling = 45

and their nuclear families averaging 4 per family - 45 x 4 = 180

Totalling = 225

I've probably missed a few there but hey, so far we have a total of 1109 lives who have been affected by one person; one incident (what a leafing party that's going to be).  A road traffic collision involving one or more people who survive, produces the same effect.  This is a minimum average total.  It's probably much more.

Work yours out.

Am I writing about something you don't want to read about because it's too real?  It's fact but not many people realise the consequences of their actions when they're taking even a small risk with their driving.  It's probably because they don't know due to no-one telling them in the first place or they're just not listening when the advice is offered to them.

Who's to blame for that?

I iz ard n i gona tayk u owt. I iz da bez drayva on dis road, git owt ov ma wey.  Mi knucklz r de bez feetur ov mi, thaz y dey r at da top of da sterin whelz init blad.

Oh blimey Jeeves, that's enough of that (for those born before 1995 read phonetically and slowly out loud and you'll get the jist, also it will be a source of amusement to those in your immediate vicinity, especially if you're a bit posh or a grandparent).  By the way, young people really do speak like this these days.

What is it with the one handed driving?  I call it 'the Blud hand'.  Commonly, the right hand is placed at the top of the steering wheel with the knuckles pointing towards the windscreen.  Sometimes it's at 12 o'clock, sometimes 11 (if clock is facing the driver).  Strike the pose and you'll see what I mean.  Has this posture got a hidden meaning?  I want to know.

There's usually a bodily lean to the left that goes with it too.  Sometimes, if you're lucky enough to spot it, there's a right lean whereby the driver's body is hunched up on the offside door.  It's difficult to tell if someone is actually driving the car because they're hidden so much by the right roof post.  Very rarely is it the left hand because that would be uncool, especially when there's a gear change due.

Where's the other hand?  What's it doing?  Have you only got one arm or what? (if you have, I apologise).

I've only ever seen 'so-called' pop/plop/rap/blap/blob stars adopting this behaviour on stage - usually the other hand is holding their crotch which probably means their nappy needs changing.  I don't understand why has this behaviour crept into driving?

In the 70's I never noticed anyone in a Mark 1 Ford Capri doing this.  All that was visible in the front windscreen was fluffy dice.  At this point, I am relieved to quote "a 1993 study showed there to be no correlation between the use of fuzzy dice and the degree of a driver's reckless driving behaviour".  Now wouldn't that be a nice way to sort things out these days; instead of a bullet or a 'shank', just hit your rival over the head with a couple of pink ones.

In the 80's there was no need for any type of attitude to protrude from the windscreen because the DeLoren spoke for itself; probably due to having the  door hinges put on the wrong way.

In the 90's, Papa and Nicole showed the first signs of attitude.  They were always sulking, fighting, arguing about whose turn it was to drive the Renault Clio.  Then one of them would get in the car and drive off - probably still in a temper the way they accelerated from 0-60 in 2 seconds.

Towards the end of the 90's, sex started selling everything.  Marketing took hold and road attitude has gone down the pan since then; a bit like politics.

In my opinion, it's relevant to car manufacturers producing 'sexy' cars (their words, not mine) and consistently pushing the boundaries of home comforts and fantasy for the purposes of profit making.  There is such a choice these days but not a thought has gone into the affect fantasy would have on the demise of goodwill, courtesy, patience, tolerance on the roads; not to mention the impact on safe, considerate driving.

The road is a neutral place.  There should be no aggression, competition or hierachy because we have to share it.  It's actually there for the Emergency Services to do their job, that's why the Highway code gives specific instruction relating to Emergency Service blue lights ie, in a nutshell = just get out of the way safely.  It's a privilege, not a right that we are able to drive on it but from what I've seen, a large proportion of drivers think they own it.  We pay road tax to make use of it only because it has been made available to us.

It would be such a relief if someone would say "right, no choice, it's an Eco-Friendly Robin Reliant or nothing; no other breed of car is allowed on the road.  Everyone is neutral; get over it or get a bus".  I think Ed Miliband will look quite comfy in one to be honest.  David Cameron would probably have trouble getting his legs in but he'd manage; David Clegg the same.  My best thought about this is John Prescott shuffling out of the back of one, whilst escorting his wife and her hair (she has lovely hair by the way).

I live for that day but it ain't gonna happen...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuzzy_dice
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DeLorean_DMC-12
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papa_&_Nicole
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reliant_Robin