I am not the only one who thinks the BBC has missed a trick hiring Darcey Bussell to replace Alesha Dixon as a judge on Strictly Come Dancing.

I have never made a secret of the fact I am a big Strictly fan and that I thought it was wrong for the Beeb to replace Arlene Phillips with Alesha Dixon back in 2009.

Regardless of the ageism claims, the show lost one of the most respected figures in the world of dance and replaced her with a young, beautiful but largely clueless ex-contestant.

No one can deny that Britain’s Got Talent judge Alesha is the show’s best female champion ever but there is a huge leap between doing what you’re told and spotting flaws and strengths in other people’s efforts.

Now, to say Darcey Bussell is a step back in the right direction is an understatement but hiring the former principal dancer of the Royal Ballet misses one vital point.

Ballet is not a category of dance performed on Strictly Come Dancing.

Now hold your horses. I remember just as much as you the lovely jive Darcey did with professional Ian Waite when she guest-judged on the series in 2009. It was very nice.

But sitting her alongside Len Goodman, Craig Revel Horwood and Bruno Tonioli when the show returns in the autumn does not add a relevant string to the judging panel’s bow.

I was chatting to the lovely, if not a little ditsy, Ali Bastian about this, for an interview about her starring role in the UK tour of Chicago, which you can read about in next week’s What’s On (out from Wednesday, May 2).

Aside from her appalling lack of current affairs knowledge – when asked who should replace Alesha she replied “What? I didn’t even know. I had no idea. What is going on? I have not seen the news or a TV,” – she actually made some very valid points.

“It’s important to get someone from a ballroom and Latin background. When you are waiting for the judgements with Len you know it has technically got to be good and Craig is from a massive showbiz background and is a choreographer.

“So maybe someone like Karen Hardy would be good. She would have my vote. She is amazing and a leading voice in ballroom and Latin.

“She is so well respected in the industry. People travel the world to have lessons with her when it is competition time.”

OK, Ali is biased because she is a regular visitor to former Strictly professional Karen’s dance studio in Chelsea. But Karen was the force behind the show’s greatest ever champion, Mark Ramprakash, and its best ever moment, when the pair performed their Argentine Tango to Tina Turner’s GoldenEye theme.

If they wanted someone who was respected in the industry, still young, and someone with previous on the show, surely Karen should have been the BBC's choice.

(Karen Hardy, pictured hosting a summer school at Maidstone's Margaret Preedy Dance Studio last year)

One of the hazards of writing a purely comedy inspired blog is that sometimes the funny all dries up. I realise, given the content of my previous posts and my ability to attract slapstick like a moth to a flame, that seems impossible but I really am currently sitting here wailing “somebody do something funny!” How is it that I haven’t done anything absurdly stupid in a while? Have I learnt caution? Doubtful. Something is wrong in the universe Watson and I’m determined to sniff out the “fishy” by Jove! Perhaps what I should do whilst I await my next calamity is go out and make funny happen to myself or others. Which of the following would generate the most comedy value:

1)      Whilst driving my Dad to a Dr’s appointment I do my best rally car driver impression: driving at high velocity round precarious bends yelling “Yee HAW” whilst Dad’s knuckles turn white with the vice like grip of the dash board. Dad does his best impression of “The Scream” – he’s hoarse from, well, all the screaming – then faints in pure terror.

2)      I decide to take my dear little bumper car through the car wash: sounds innocuous enough but, you forget, dear readers I am due a little mishap. Things that could go wrong/comedy gold on offer at the car wash (and the reason I have always been too scared to go through one) are as follows –

a.       My recently “Auto Glass-ed” window pops again causing me to weep and wail like a banshee and make me incapable of  moving my car: the nice boys in the petrol garage have to come and move it for me muttering “I thought women liked fairy sounds” and proclaiming that this would never happen to a male driver

b.      My roof is torn away from the body of the car exposing my head to the big washer thingies. My hair gets tangled up in said washy thingies and is torn from my head. Or: my head won’t give up my hair and my head is pulled from my body. The end.

c.       The car wash fills with limitless water and then breaks down. I have to live in said car wash for all eternity. I evolve to an amphibious life: I now have webbed feet and scales.

3)      I go for a smaller, noisier target: I throw large sticks so accurately that they get wedged in the spokes of the bikes that small children are riding up and down the street on. They are pretending to be motorbikes. Broom, Broom indeed children.

4)      I get arrested for what the police term “manslaughter” when one of the kiddies is killed. I then:

a.       Plead diminished responsibility – “my blog followers made me do it, your honour”– they believe that I am psychologically disturbed and lead me to my padded cell in a straight jacket

b.      Am sentenced to a life living in a car wash (see point 2. A)

c.       Am sent to prison where I acquire a questionable room mate…

d.      Am found not guilty: clearly children pretending to be a motorcycle is a fraudulent act therefore I was simply doing my civic duty. I will then get a magazine deal to sell my story “I just did what anyone would have done” and rise to stardom overnight

Vote now!

Playing it safe will be the order of the day for this year's music festivals, underlined by today's announcement of the Hop Farm's line up this year.

Bob Dylan will headline for the second time at the event near Paddock Wood, with other headline sets coming from Peter Gabriel (and the New Blood Orchestra) and Suede.

Fair play - all three are UK festival exclusive shows, with a fourth exclusive over the three-day event coming from Cannonball singer-songwriter Damien Rice.

And another good move from the organisers is the method of announcing all the big names now, rather than dragging out the process like last year, when Prince was sensationally announced as headliner of a third day just over two months before the festival.

Head honcho Vince Power must have one eye on making sure he gets decent ticket sales in the bag as the inevitably momumental summer of 2012 arrives.

The London Olympic Games, Euro 2012 and Diamond Jubilee are all set to divert public attention - and cash - away from annual events this year.

This is not withstanding the money people have already spent on Sport Relief, Titanic's 100th anniversary and Charles Dickens' bicentenary among other things.

To be fair, it was always going to be difficult to top last year's bill - the Eagles and Morrissey topped off with two and a half hours of the incomparable Prince was always going to be something of a one off.

That is not to say anyone is outrageously disappointed with this year's line up. As well as Dylan, pictured above at Hop Farm in 2010, there will be Primal Scream, Billy Ocean, Patti Smith (a favourite of mine from last year) and Joan Armatrading. These are all acts with top music pedigree.

In its bid to put on real music for proper music fans, the Hop Farm has not forgotten the younger generation too, with Slow Club, Tom Vek, Benjamin Francis Leftwich and Maximo Park all certain to ensure the weekend is not a complete senior-fest.

It made good business sense to secure Dylan, Gabriel and Suede for this year, who will all bring hugely loyal and hugely huge followings to the Hop Farm. They will all spend their money at the soonest possible opportunity to make sure they can see their heroes in their only festival show on these shores this year.

Crucially they will all spend their money before they realise what they will need to fork out for a burger inside the Olympic stadium, a plane ticket to Ukraine or a buffet for their jubilee street party.

Of course, some quarters will cry that this chat flies in the face of what has happened with Kent's other notable music festival, Lounge On The Farm, which is still to announce its final headliner.

Yet I am sure we won't have to wait too long before we find out who will be joining Emili Sande and the Charlatans as bill toppers at Merton Farm, Canterbury.

One of the many hazards of your boyfriend being one of three brothers (as I am sure many of you will relate to) is having to a. do boy talk b. take a considerable amount of stick when you do anything remotely silly. This is incident combined me doing something absolutely absurd, boy talk and taking a considerable amount of stick.

Somehow last night myself and one of the boyfriend’s brothers got onto the highly intelligent topic of “Which would you say was better: Star Wars or Star Trek?” believe it or not I actually did take a few minutes before I gave my answer which I was told was fairly controversial (ooookkkaaayyy) I was then asked which Captain of the space ship in Star Trek I had though was the best again I gave a fairly educated answer (it’s no longer such a well kept secret that I am, secretly, a bit of a geek at heart).

My boyfriend then joined in the conversation by proclaiming Captain Janeway to have been his favourite (the first female captain of the space ship). I was already suspicious as to his choice when this led into reasoning as to why it had taken so long to get a female captain: women drivers. Ah, now I saw where this was going, let me guess she drove the ship into a dustbin in outer space? Some jabber ensued about women being careless drivers and having no sense of direction etcetera: “in the first episode she gets lost, like, hundreds of light years away”. Yes, hilarious, I am sure you will agree dear readers.

I have spent two days taking stick for the fact that, a couple of nights ago; I smashed my own car window. On my own driveway. By driving into our dustbin. As my Father very kindly pointed out to me “that bin has been in the same place for the past four years and no one else has ever bashed it” a fact I am very much aware of, thank you. I didn’t actually think I had broken it at first and I didn’t actually drive into it especially hard but I caught the corner of the bin lid on my rear window, heard a pop, tried to get off of the bin, got stuck and then heard the tinkling. Excellent. No primal screaming or beating of fists or head on steering wheel took place at this stage…Well not much at least.

I described this scenario and the twinkling of little bits of broken glass to my boyfriend when he came round to point and laugh at what I had done. To my own car. He kindly pointed out that I could envisage the tinkling as being a bit like “a fairy sound” (knowing I like fairies and was very distressed about being stupid enough to smash my own car window. On my own driveway. On a dustbin). Oh yes, the sound of tinkling broken bits of my rear window is exactly akin to fairy dust, darling. I was not snarling and did not have steam coming out of my ears at this point.

How many times do you think, readers, I will be subjected to conversations coming back to “dustbin” over the oncoming weeks/months/years?

Well this entry is a special one as I have a business man who is affiliated with Maidstone United F.C!  Come on you Stones!!!

His name, Terry Casey, 61 years of age from Maidstone.

Terry is currently a company director but most of his time is consumed with his extensive work for a charity he operates in Ethiopia.  So good to hear of a Kent resident giving something good to the world. When not involved in his charity work, Terry is heavily involved in with the current construction of the new Maidstone United stadium in Maidstone.  Finally the Stones' are coming home and their is a lot of buzz from the people of Kent to see their local team return where they belong after spells in Ashford and Sittingbourne.

Terry does not have much spare time aside from that so understandably he could not comment further on my 'what do you do in your spare time' question.

An interesting fact that I have found out about Kent is that Leeds Castle is sometimes referred to as Ladies’ Castle. The reason being because many Queens of England have lived there Eleanor of Castile Catherine of Aragon, Henry VIII's first wife and even his daughter Elizabeth all have lived in the castle.  Did you know that?  Well you do now!

Terry does not eat out in Kent very much but instead prefers to eat out in London.  If you want a good place to eat in the capital, I personally recommend you try the Texas Embassy Cantina near Trafalgar Square.  This place does awesome Mexican food and superb strawberry margaritas.

When asked to supply me with a story that summed him up, Terry responded "My character should be summed up by others, not by me."  This is one of the most intriguing answers I have ever received and Terry is right.  Others should decide on our characters, it is not for us to decide what we think we are.

Terry is closely associated with his Irish roots as opposed to his Kentish background and I respect that he could be honest and say that to me.  It all to easy for people to just make up a sentence for me to publish about Kent but if they are truly more associated with other places than its better to be honest about it.

And now for my random question, If you could take on the life of any person, past or present, who would it be and why?  Terry again gave me another interesting answer.

"I am very happy with myself"

A very good answer, if you are not happy with yourself than you wouldn't be happy being anyone else.

A big thank you to Terry and my very best luck to him and the Maidstone United team for the final stages of the stadium development.  I can't wait to see them in action at home!

Keeps those eyes peeled for more interviews, you never know it could be you next!

If you live in Kent, let's talk!

If you would like to appear on my blog, all I ask is that you live in Kent and that you are willing to talk to me for 10 - 15 minutes about yourself.

If you think you'd like to give it a try, drop me an email on millendauthor@gmail.com and we will see what we can do!

When my best mate called me with the offer of a free ticket to a James Morrison gig this week, I did what all bros should do: I said yes.

Fans of How I Met Your Mother will understand this eternally relevant maxim from the Bro Code set out by the show’s lothario Barney Stinson.

And when my pal found himself without a date to take to this questionable choice of concert, I did what I thought any good bro should do: I took pity on him, took in a deep breathe and said of course I’d ensure his £30 ticket didn’t go to waste.

I’ll level with you. I didn’t hold out high hopes for James Morrison’s show at the Hammersmith Apollo on Thursday evening.

The images which came to my mind were ones of being surrounded by mums who had dragged along their begrudging husbands in an evening of polite head bobbing and the occasional sing-a-long.

These images, of course, all came true but far from being dismayed at my faithful adherence of the Bro Code, I came out of the gig uplifted and thoroughly glad I’d gone. First off we had a cracking opening act in Rainy Boy Sleep, whose handy guitar work and distinctive voice set the tone for a night of top-draw musicianship. His stand out track was set finisher Ambulance. Definitely check this lad out.

Then when James Morrison came out to a chorus of screams of the slightly more mature kind, he positively owned the crowd, rather than being the wishy washy hey-thanks-for-coming mush monger I had expected him to be.

It just goes to show that a gig with a genuinely talented singer and band will always be worth watching. In this age of false celebrity, it was nice to see someone on stage with real songwriting pedigree rather than the flash-in-the-pan garbage we hear is going to be the next big thing on the radio every week.

It was easy to get wrapped up in the arm-swaying mood of tracks like In My Dreams, I Won’t Let You Go and Broken Strings. I am not ashamed to say I was a bona fide James Morrison fan by the time he rounded off the night with You Give Me Something before a huge encore finishing on Wonderful World.

And before anyone says Hammersmith Apollo is a mission to get to, the journey was easy. The high speed rail line to St Pancras from Gravesend got me to London in 23 minutes before a half hour trip along the Piccadilly line to Hammersmith. It cost £14.80 for the travelcard. Simples.

In summary, it was a night where I learnt two things. The first was that my friend is a secret James Morrison fan, no matter how much he said he had got the tickets to try and attract a date.

The second was that a bro, should indeed, always says yes to help out a fellow bro. No matter how lame saying yes might seem at first, you will always be rewarded with a cracking night out.

As I stood interviewing Stephen Mulhern at last year’s Marlowe Theatre pantomime launch, the TV presenter began to cough and splutter mid sentence.

“I know you can’t see him but I’m laughing because Dave is at the side copying what I’m doing” he apologised to the camera, as Dave Lee mimicked his hand gestures.

That was the Dave Lee many reporters and panto fans alike will remember, after the sad news the comedian died on Monday after a short illness, aged 64.

A joker to the last, his death seems all the more cruel because he was unable to appear in the first pantomime at the new Marlowe Theatre in Canterbury, forced to pull out following his diagnosis with pancreatic cancer late last year.

I remember on the launch day back in July how his comical voice continued to distract Stephen throughout the interview from out of shot, prompting giggles from the Britain’s Got More Talent star and myself as we in turns tried to promote the show and ask questions about it.

In any other situation, a journalist might be forgiven for putting down his mic and politely inviting the offender to Foxtrot Oscar for the intrusion. But you couldn’t do that to Dave Lee. You cannot do that to a legend.

“I think it’s my 16th year and I only popped out for a can of peas” he said with his trademark ear to ear grin as we spoke that day.

The comic, who lived in Herne, was a picture of enthusiasm as he talked about how the Marlowe had assembled “the strongest panto cast in the country” and how they would be “a small family for Christmas.”

I am not going to make out I was big mates with Dave. We met a few times for interviews over the years and I always found him likeable and fun. A stalwart of the city’s pantomime for 16 festive seasons, children grew up watching him on stage. There was a deluge of emotion as news of his passing spread on Twitter last night. It is easy to see why the show’s producer Paul Hendy described him today as “Kent’s best mate.”

As well as being likeable and a pro (he never missed a show over 16 years), Dave was also a charitable man, raising more than £2 million since 1994 for sick and disabled children through his Happy Holidays charity. His efforts earned him an MBE in 2003.

I remember asking him what he thought about the new Marlowe Theatre and his response was littered with his typical court jester banter. It feels all the more touching now.

“I haven’t been inside” he said. “Health and safety have said they are concerned a girder is going to fall on me and bend the girder.

“I’ve spoken to the architect and asked if he would build a self-contained flat for me above the water tank in the roof but he couldn’t do that so I will have to make do with my dressing room.

“It’s going home. It really is. The Marlowe Theatre is my favourite theatre in the whole country and it is just 10 minutes from where I live which is brilliant.”

Yet as I listen back to that interview from last summer, one moment hits home more than ever. Midway through my chat with Dave, Stephen Mulhern mischievously decided to return the interrupting favour.

“He is Dave Lee and he is the best in the business” said Stephen as he wrapped his arm around the comedian. Dave just smiled at the camera and said “that’s my son Stephen Merchant. He has always been the son I never wanted.”

The man was supposed to be promoting the pantomime but made the effort to show his affection for his cast mate on tape.

That was Dave. And we will all miss him.

They say when a man gets to a certain stage in life, he wants a new flash car, can't help but ogle young beautiful women and flirts with the idea of a tattoo.

Well, proving he has not suffered the same fate as many geezers hitting their mid-life crisis is Chatham panto star Vanilla Ice, who has bypassed the flirting with the tattoo idea and gone the full monty with a design inspired by - you guessed it - his Medway pantomime appearance in Peter Pan.

The Ice Ice Baby rapper's fetching Captain Hook bodywork raised - shall we say - a mixed response when his picture dropped into the What's On office over the festive period.

It took Rochester-based Diablo Tattoo three hours to complete and shows the dastardly pirate in all his swashbuckling glory against a map of the Florida Keys.

Ice, 44, who finished his run at the Central Theatre on Saturday, December 31, said: “I wanted it done as a way of marking my experience here. It’s been terrific fun to play Captain Hook and the audiences have been really great.”

Whatever your thoughts, I'd love it if he inspired Ann Widdecombe to get her own Craig Revel Horwood/Sleeping Beauty tatt.

****

Pub rock has its good points (banter/plenty of beer) and bad points (dodgy band names/obvious covers.)

One such band doing pub rock the right way are The Grandads (I know - dodgy name alert but hear me out.) They celebrated their first birthday on New Year's Eve and have brought out a new CD to celebrate, Takin' The Peas (PLEASE BEAR WITH ME!)

The three-piece have a combined 118 years of live stage experience, which is where their quality comes from. Drummer Chris Jarvis once supported The Beatles in his 1960s band The Hustlers back in 1963. Guitarist and vocalist Neil Foreman made his name during 14 years in comedy band Funfayre and bassist John Simpson won Battle of the Bands in 1988 with his band Sketch.

All three began playing their instruments in their teens and all describe themselves as having been reborn when they formed The Grandads a year ago, all having retired from regular gigging at least 10 years ago.

Their tight harmonies and big tunes make them sound more like a five piece and their collection of tracks from the Eagles, Thin Lizzie, Bruce Springsteen and even Take That make them a good crack.

Guitarist Neil said "We are having a fantastic time, finally having the freedom to play the music we love at the gigs we choose after 40 years on the club and cabaret circuit."

Their next gig is not until Saturday, February 18 at the Fox in Maidstone but in the meantime, check out their CD at www.thegrandads.co.uk.

Craig Revel Horwood and Ann Widdecombe are certainties to be the panto hit of the year.

Not a soul in the audience of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs at Dartford's Orchard Theatre last night would disagree.

After Craig's brutal judgements of Ann's exploits as a contestant on the Strictly Come Dancing last year, the pairing had already prompted sales of 25,000 tickets before a single "oh no it's not" had even been uttered.

As a result the run was extended by a week to Saturday, January 7, a triumph for panto-lovers everywhere as this is a show you should really take the time to see.

Without giving away any of the script, Ann's political quips and Craig's Strictly-themed banter was superb. Both were more than willing to send themselves up to the highest degree and the absence of a traditional dame and gunging was of no consequence.

Undoubtedly they are most unexpected panto duo of the year but that is a big part of their charm. It made me wonder which duos could inspire next year's pantomime line ups.

After a very strange morning of conversation in the What's On office, here is what we came up with:

--- Fatima Whitbread and Antony Cotton - their barneys over the cooking, tasks and just about everything on this year's I'm A Celebrity were legendary and made the show essential viewing. Plus I think Fatima would make a fearsome Abanazar in Aladdin.

--- Katie Waissel and Frankie Cocozza - they say the success of a pantomime is judged by the loudness of the boos and these two could certainly break some records in that department.

--- Smokey Robinson and Richard Bacon - The partnership's gags might dry up after the first minute but they could make for some very interesting promotional posters.

--- Alex Reid and Paddy Doherty - one would love dressing in his ugly sister's outfit, the other would punch the other one's lights out... but who is who?

--- Pippa Middleton and "Monkey" - Not my choice but one of my esteemed What's On colleagues insists the combination of the perfect rear and an irritating puppet has a certain poetry to it that could inspire comedy genius. Riiiigghhhtt...

--- Ant and Dec - come on.... they would be awesome.

--- Harry Derbidge from TOWIE and Polar Bear from Frozen Planet - come on Polar Bear, do us all a favour.

****

Little Mix won the X Factor, saving us from the blandness of Marcus sneaking to victory.

It would have been a bit rubbish if someone had won the show because they fitted the bill for the floating mum and nan voters.

However, I'm not blown away by the choice of song for Little Mix's inevitable Christmas No1 single. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of Damien Rice's Cannonball but I groaned at the girl group's generic pop treatment of such a tender song.

Had my preferred choice of X Factor victor, Kitty Brucknell, not been voted off weeks ago I think we would have had a much more authentic treatment of the track. But people don't vote for talent on X Factor. They vote for sweet, inoffensive, pretty faces and banish anyone with even a hint of edge to turning on Christmas lights at Bluewater.

Something which Kitty did a very good job of last month, ACTUALLY!

Whatever your opinion of Example, no one can deny he knows how to get a room pumping.

He kicked off his headline UK tour at Margate Winter Gardens on Monday, November 21, and stayed 100% true to his words in this week’s What’s On.

“I’m not in the top 10 rappers or the top 10 singers in the country, but I'm a good songwriter and a good performer.

"My live show is full-on all the way through and the last 20 minutes is a relentless rave.”

Enough said. From the moment he came out the whole room was jumping. The man behind the year's two biggest summer tunes, Changed the Way You Kissed Me and Stay Awake, can come across as a little arrogant but far from playing it cool he was not afraid to engage with the crowd, egging them on between and during every song.

"Everyone shout 'Hey, good morning,'" he called out mid set, prompting universal arm raising to Watch the Sun Come Up.

It was the first single he played, about five songs in, but already the crowd had been throwing themselves around for a solid 20 minutes or so.

As he moved into Kickstarts, he prompted everyone to grab their mate as they jumped around. Inspiring that camaraderie is definitely Example’s biggest talent and he received cries of adulation one after another as he rifled through Playing in the Shadows and Shot Myself in the Foot Again.

The only downside of the gig was the Winter Gardens’ stifling, sweaty heat. The 29-year-old rapper commented on it a few times through the night and the heat certainly contributes to a mid-gig lull in energy, even if your entertainment is world class. It is a shame because the venue is a perfect size for gigs like this and the room’s opulent chandeliers give every show a glamorously decadent vibe. If there is something they can do about it, organisers there need to get on top of the issue.

Still nothing was going to get in the way of Example’s promised final 20 minute rave. Microphone slapped on the bass thicker than the fog which had afflicted everyone’s journey to the gig.

When it came to the chorus of Stay Awake, anyone who had resisted the solicitations of the surging crowd gave in to their inhibitions and flung themselves about like lunatics. It was the song everyone had been waiting to hear. 

Like the master of showmanship he is, Example then built to the show’s crescendo with the Faithless produced The Way and his hit with Laidback Luke, Natural Disaster.

The whole room was shaking by the time he hit the chorus of Changed the Way You Kissed Me and it didn’t stop for another five minutes.

Margate got its rave all right. And Example will be rubbing his hands if the rest of his tour is even half as good.