Moaning

Small talk!

by The Odd One Out, with Dan Millen Saturday, March 2 2013

So I was sitting discussing with my colleague (JS) various different topics when we stumbled across old films we used to watch as children. There is not a significant age gap between us, only 5 years, but our choices in favourite films does differ quite considerably.

Once we had finished listing our favourite films, JS touched on the main actor in one of her films (The Indian in the Cupboard) and how she used to have a crush on him when she was 3 years old! I was more shocked at the age of her first crush then the fact she had a crush on Henri from the film.

After controlling my laughter, JS added fuel to the fire by declaring two further crushes: the first, Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter & the Philosopher’s Stone and the second, Buzz McCallister from Home Alone. This send me into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, some of the others joined me. JS literally smiled and joined in with us.

The dreaded question fell on me when on of the girls asked me who I had a crush on when I was younger? I could honestly say I went blank and could not think of a single crush at such a young age.

So now I've had time to think about it, I think it only fair I declare my crushes from childhood films:

1. Allie from The Karate Kid Part I (She also appeared in Back to the Future)

2. Andy from The Goonies

3. Jessica from The Karate Kid Part III

So there you have it, my three choice.

Keep reading and I'll keep you posted on my life as The Odd One Out.

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Categories: blogs and bloggers | Entertainment | Family Life | Film | Leisure | Moaning | Moans and groans | Work

This cybernetic satan has cost me days of my life after hacking

by The Codgers' Club Saturday, February 9 2013

by Peter Cook

In case any of my email contacts are in any doubt, I am not destitute in Spain, I have not been robbed, and you don’t have to send me any money. Well you can if you like, but to my home address, not to Spain.

I am not a vindictive man. But I hope the demonic low-life perversion of a living organism that hacked my account has his underpants infested with the scorpions of hell.

This cybernetic satan has cost me days of my life. I have had to find my way through the mind-destroying underworld of the internet in vain attempts to get back online.

I have had my brain cells corroded by inane music for hours as I hung on and hung on to a helpline that seemed destined never to answer. When it was answered I was told to call another number.

I have had to change dozens of passwords, most of which I had long forgotten anyway, and lain awake at night lest the few shillings left in my bank account are being siphoned away by this blob of malignant slime.

I’ve even had my Facebook account shut down, though this could be a good thing. I’m still undecided about Facebook.

Having one’s account hacked certainly teaches you how much we rely these days on the internet.

If we want the best prices on our gas and electricity bills, we have to pay them online. I am still registered for VAT and you can only pay that through the net. There are no high street shops anymore, so the internet is the only way to buy many of the things we need.

I can’t believe that the criminals who try this kind of trick actually make any money from it.

The messages they put out in your name are couched in a phraseology that is clearly compiled by someone for whom English is not their first language. Who do they think they are fooling?

So I am more than a little displeased with this person as I think I may have mentioned.

I hope they become tangled in a cyber-web so convoluted and devious, that they disappear up their own USB portals.

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Categories: Internet | Moaning | Moans and groans

MSN - Male Stalking Network

by The Odd One Out, with Dan Millen Tuesday, January 8 2013

 



Well when you work with a group of women, anything can happen. Everyday brings a new adventure, sometimes a challenge, and as always I am at some point left scratching my head at something one of them has said to the group during the working day... hence this latest post.

Well at the time I was writing this, I was sitting on a leather couch in the suburbs of San Jose, California drinking juice and looking at my notes from previous weeks. I was literally another world away from where I usually am when I encounter my issues as 'The Odd One Out.'

Today's weird and wonderful post is surrounding the inner workings of a colleague of mine when she uses MSN Messenger. (MSN Messenger, for the computer illiterate, is principally an instant messaging service that allows contacts to talk to each other - a sort of text messaging service that is online).

So the women and I were discussing things that annoy us about Facebook when one of them suddenly said 'Do you remember MSN Messenger? We all responded with a unitary nod. 

MSN was great when I first used it, in fact it's how I first began talking with my soon to be wife (She is American and lives in San Jose), but after 4 years we grew tired of the breakages in connection and service and chose to move to Gmail. (Google Mail is awesome).

Anyway... my colleague then proceeded to say aloud to the rest of us "Yeah, did you ever do the sign in, sign out thing?"

I was confused and raised my eyebrow. What shocked me more was that my other colleague said "Oh yeah, I used to do that."

I continued to stay quiet, trying to focus on the invoice I was processing. I didnt want to get drawn into another strange discussion. One a week is enough for me!

Then came another comment "I used to love MSN, I've had some great conversations on there."

The conversation continued, going back and forth across our pod desks. Different pros and cons were listed and they also discussed all the features they enjoyed using. (I can say now, I hated the 'nudges', which shook your computer screen when people wanted to talk to you when you had been idle for 5 minutes or so).

I couldn't take it anymore, I had to interject otherwise I would just look ignorant or worse still, they would draw me into the conversation at a point where it would become uncomfortable for me to back out and they would tease me about it.

"Yes, Jess and I first began chatting on MSN after my holiday to San Francisco in 2007." I said. "But what the hell is the 'Signing in and signing out' thing?" 

Curiosity got the better of me.

The two girls laughed, knowing it would send me into a frenzied rant, as most things do. The others in our group sat silently, waiting to hear.

"Come on what is it?" I persisted.

"The 'Signing in and signing out' thing is where you're already signed in, chatting to other people and you see a guy you like come online. He will obviously look down his contact list and see who is online and talk to who he wants. What I did was to sign out of messenger and then sign back in again." [Cue my long pause and thought] - What the hell for, I thought? "That way, he will see the little notification box that pops up in the bottom right hand corner, signally that I have just come online. That way he is more likely to talk to me."

To say I was thinking of the movies 'Fatal Attraction', 'Obsession' & 'Misery' while she was explaining would be pretty harsh. I was a little disturbed originally but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that this was a pretty clever tactic to get a guy to notice you. In fact, it was bordering on genius.

The good thing to add to that is that my colleague appears to know where the line is and is not hovering over it, ready to hop into the weirdo territory. As long as she stays behind it, I am happy to continue sitting next to her.

So that's the latest from me - keep checking in to see my posts and remember, if your on MSN, either remain invisible or sign out first and stay offline before JS sees you. 



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Strange but true!

by The Odd One Out, with Dan Millen Friday, December 7 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, I have been observing the behaviour of the women in my work team over the last few months and it has been interesting to say the least.

 

 

We have had quite a few personnel changes, with three great colleagues leaving us, which I would like to highlight on before I start this post.

'PJ'

Our wonderful Chair's PA, 'PJ', left us for another role. When she left, we felt the pressure. She was the 'Oracle' and a fountain of all knowledge. Whenever we had a problem or needed an answer, we would always ask PJ. That proves beyond any doubt how vital she was to the setup of the office. The Admin team will never be the same again, seriously!

'Leads'

'Leads' was next to leave us. She was the life and soul of the secretariat. Despite not officially being placed within our team on the hierarchy, Leads was definitely considered to be a main cog in our working machine. She was bubbly, fun and showed us all how to make a 'real' salad at lunch time - Sainsbury's iceberg lettuce sales were up during her secondment period.

'Roondog'

'Roondog' departed from our team and the glue that held us together seemed to lose it adhesiveness. Her wedding checklist and housekeeping emails have been sorely missed and our team has struggled to get to grips with not having the benefit of a kick ass Office Manager around to look after our interests.

Ladies although you have gone, you will forever remain honourary members of the admin team. (I need a few minutes - Cry).

 

 

So, now I've dried my eyes, it's time to get on with the official first post.

I have updated you on the changes in my office but now it is time to move on to my observations, and my reasoning for why I am 'The Odd One Out'.

So this week's topic: the bizarre statements they come out with.

My Evidence

I have come across a series of strange and bizarre statements in my time with these women. I present my evidence for your judgement: (I have included the initials of my colleagues for their own amusement)

Does the lump on the back of my neck look big? (SK)

Believe me, I had to keep a straight face for this one because she was deadly serious.

Wedding shoes are expensive but can still be worth every penny. You just dye them black to get 'wear out of them' (KR)

Or you could purchase a cheaper pair of shoes and not have the guilt of the huge cost spent on them & the additional cost incurred to dye them black!

My friend is trying to lose weight. She is on the Pre Heart Op diet! (SK) - yes, someone actually said this to me.

***Speechless with a grin***

I'm going to take a cheeky trip to Wilkinson. Does anyone want anything? (RL)

I'm still trying to work out what a 'cheeky trip' is but it sounds amusing whatever it is.


I just sometimes do not know how to react. It takes me off guard and I have to just think of the first thing that comes to mind. e.g. 'What are you talking about?', 'Are you nuts?' 'Jess is exactly the same!'.

Don't get me wrong, they provide me with 5 day a week amusement but sometimes I am absolutely stunned at the information being portrayed to me. I also sometimes think that because I am the only man in our team that they forget I am pumped full of testosterone and not oestrogen. The things they say to me may fall on deaf ears because I am not a woman and do not have the working of a female brain.

Sometimes this can be a hindrance more than a help but most of time I seem to get away with it and we quickly move on.

Well I will give you a while to digest the last 3 minutes of your life that you have spent reading this blog that you will never get back!

Keep checking in on my blog, I still have plenty more to talk about.

 

"I AM THE ODD ONE OUT!"

 

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Categories: Entertainment | Environment | General | Just Life | Moaning | Moans and groans | People of Kent | Public Sector | Real Talk | Work | The Odd One Out

Calling someone ignorant may make you ignorant

by Medway's Victor Meldrew, by Danny Smith Friday, July 13 2012

The word 'ignorant' is often missued. How many times have you been called ignorant because you didn't answer someone or because you didn't reply to their text message? I'm constantly being called ignorant for that reason, but then, I am constantly ignoring people. People irk me, they ask stupid, pointless questions and say things that don't need to be said, on top of that, many people still insist on taking pictures of their food and posting it onto Facebook. What are you doing? Yes, you have a plate with food on it, congratulations! Now, if someone from the third world did this, maybe I'd be more impressed. 

Anyway I digress, the definition of 'ignorant' is as follows

Define: Ignorant: 

  1. Lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated.
  2. Lacking knowledge, information, or awareness about something in particular: "ignorant of astronomy".

That's straight from Google itself, by the way. So the words actual meaning is to be uneducated in something, for instance, I'm ignorant of quantum physics because I haven't studied it and learned the ins and outs of it, however, because I ignore someone, that doesn't technically make me 'ignorant' in fact, by definition, the fact that they are calling me ignorant actually makes them ignorant because they are uneducated to the meaning of the world 'ignorant'. Is the word ignorant starting to lose meaning? If it is, just look back to the definition above. 

Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave a comment below, if you don't, I may have to call you ignorant which by definition then makes me ignorant, and then things get complicated.

 

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Categories: Facebook | Moaning

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