It's not often I do 124mph down a Kent motorway but yesterday was a bit different.
"I had cramp"..."I didn't realise"..."I'm late for a cross-stitch class"..."I wondered why no-one was overtaking me"..."I haven't got my glasses on and couldn't see my speedo" ..."I've got to get my Schitz Shu to the vets"..."My nail's broken and I've got to get to A+E"..."Someone stole my snowman", were all the possible excuses I could have used but I didn't have to - haha, I got away with it!
There's something you need to know.
When you get stopped by a Traffic Officer, your excuse has already been heard at least 5,627,230+ times before and therefore the Officer has a bank of answers to give right back to you including a fine, points on your licence and/or a ticket in most circumstances; friendly advice on some occasions... if you're lucky.
You DO realise you've been stopped for a reason, don't you? Ignorance is no excuse when it comes to the Law; it really isn't.
No, you're quite right, you weren't speeding but at the end of the day, something is not quite right with your vehicle which you may or may not know. However, whatever the circumstance, you've chosen to ignore it and the chances are you think you won't get caught, so deep down if you do, your plan is to act dumb, play the fool, deny all knowledge - simplez. No.
It might be because you have a wobbly/vibrating bumper or that your wheel arches at the rear of your vehicle are half an inch off your tyres or your tyres just look 'odd'. It might be because your hook-up trailer looks naff. It might be because you're hogging Lane 2 combined with something else that has caught a Traffic Cops eye and believe me they WILL look and they WILL check.
It might be you have no seatbelt on or your vehicle's MOT or insurance is out of date. Oh yeah, you can be safe in the knowledge those fluffy, friendly, black cladded, lacy stocking wearing, white capped, hi-vizzed, Bodie and Doyle types know ALL about you before they've stopped you.
It might be because one of your passengers eyeballed a Police Officer the wrong way because he's had one too many Bristol Creams or has smoked the 'wrong' type of Golden Virgina; it could simply be your personalised numberplate doesn't fit your face ...not literally (however, in some circumstances, this could be a blessing).
If you're a foreign driver and you're flouting any of the UK Road Traffic/Safety Laws you won't be ignored like the old days. You WILL be fined. So just a friendly tip - make sure you've got plenty of GBP sterling on you, else unfortunately your vehicle won't be going anywhere near to Lithuania, let alone Dover. Oh, another tip foreign brothers and sisters, don't barter or use your poker playing skills (strip or otherwise) with the Traffic Cops, it DOESN'T work.
No-one is immune to the Law in this country, including me.
Overall folks, what you don't seem to understand is you're getting stopped because you're compromising road safety; your safety, the safety of your loved ones and more importantly the safety of other roadusers around you on the road at any one time - if that's a coach, then ooooo, that's going to be about 60 odd people (someone elses mum, nan, dad, grandad, auntie, uncle, daughter, son, beloved friend).
"IT's Not Going To Happen To Me Syndrome" is a general life philosophy for a large proportion of people however, when IT does happen, there's nothing you can do about it. You're getting stopped because "IT will happen to you if you don't do something about it" - howzat for a better understanding? Terminal illness however, is a different story - that's a roulette you can't do anything about.
They're not called The Professionals for nothing.
A big thank you to RoSPA Kent for organising Police Shadowing with Kent Police Road Traffic Unit (Coldharbour), especially Graham and Alex for putting up with the old crow in the back - I had a great day; thanks for breaking my racetrack record
ps. No evidence of lacy stockings whatsoever to be fair.