All posts tagged 'Spain'

This cybernetic satan has cost me days of my life after hacking

by The Codgers' Club Saturday, February 9 2013

by Peter Cook

In case any of my email contacts are in any doubt, I am not destitute in Spain, I have not been robbed, and you don’t have to send me any money. Well you can if you like, but to my home address, not to Spain.

I am not a vindictive man. But I hope the demonic low-life perversion of a living organism that hacked my account has his underpants infested with the scorpions of hell.

This cybernetic satan has cost me days of my life. I have had to find my way through the mind-destroying underworld of the internet in vain attempts to get back online.

I have had my brain cells corroded by inane music for hours as I hung on and hung on to a helpline that seemed destined never to answer. When it was answered I was told to call another number.

I have had to change dozens of passwords, most of which I had long forgotten anyway, and lain awake at night lest the few shillings left in my bank account are being siphoned away by this blob of malignant slime.

I’ve even had my Facebook account shut down, though this could be a good thing. I’m still undecided about Facebook.

Having one’s account hacked certainly teaches you how much we rely these days on the internet.

If we want the best prices on our gas and electricity bills, we have to pay them online. I am still registered for VAT and you can only pay that through the net. There are no high street shops anymore, so the internet is the only way to buy many of the things we need.

I can’t believe that the criminals who try this kind of trick actually make any money from it.

The messages they put out in your name are couched in a phraseology that is clearly compiled by someone for whom English is not their first language. Who do they think they are fooling?

So I am more than a little displeased with this person as I think I may have mentioned.

I hope they become tangled in a cyber-web so convoluted and devious, that they disappear up their own USB portals.

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Categories: Internet | Moaning | Moans and groans

Welcome to the grope capital of the world

by The Codgers' Club Friday, May 4 2012

by Alan Watkins

I was manhandled the other day – and I don’t mean by a crowd of ruffians looking to spill blood.

It was (how can I put it delicately?) intimate. I was ordered to loosen my trousers and remove my belt.

A man then approached me with his hands encased in rubber gloves.

As I stood there he slid his hands over my body touching places where no man should ever touch another man.

What was so embarrassing was it was in full view of crowds of others, and he did it as he idly chatted to someone over my shoulder.

It was degrading – as bad as those classroom inspections of pubescent youths by the school nurse.

She was checking that things that should have dropped had descended, and that things that should stay where they were did so (to our intense embarrassment whether or not it did).

At least we boys knew each other and together changed once a week into PE kit.

Meanwhile, that casual groping passed without a thank you, an apology or an embarrassed smile.

This is how we send people on their way from Heathrow Airport.

Who are these people that think… no, know ….they can invade your privacy with impunity? They are state officials.

I had passed with flying colours – or so I thought. But no.

Having failed to find any unspecified misdemeanour, I had to have my overnight bag inspected.

That went through a scanner – and was stopped. It went through a second time. Then it was placed in a growing number of bags in the middle of the search area.

I was told to wait “over there”. At first I recalled teachers’ punishment of classroom misbehaviour.

There was no explanation. It was my bag. I was therefore at fault (or at least suspected of some unstated failing).

I stood clutching my trousers, still segregated from my belt. “You’ll be some time,” I was told.

I thought I would get a cup of tea. I couldn’t. My cash and cards were with my belt, bag and dignity – in sight but out of reach.

This is Britain 2012 – tourist attractor to the masses, Olympic venue, Diamond Jubilee celebrator, Dickensian destination, the world’s CCTV spy centre, and now – grope capital of the world.

My encounter with twanging gloves, “please relax, sir” and legalised public molestation was at Heathrow Terminal 5.

I was off on what we press boys call “an educational.” It was certainly that.

Scanned, intimidated, intimated bags opened for the whole world to see, your underwear, medication, reading material (not dubious), cash, cards, socks, razor and spare shirt emptied out and carefully examined, then wiped with some secret marker before being scanned yet again.

The whole world watched as men and women took it in turns to be treated in this way.

With me were a mum, dad and increasingly frustrated toddler in a pushchair (was that chair a cover for something unacceptable to our government?), an Indian businessman on his way to the States, a Scots businessman in transit (and about to miss his connecting flight), an Indian lady, another young woman from South America who for reasons best known to herself seemed surprised and suspicious that a tall man should want to handle her underwear.

For me it went on for an hour – well, apart from wanting some breakfast I had nothing else to do, other than worry that I would miss my flight.

Finally, they found something in my bag that was unacceptable to old Hope and Glory.

It was a partly-used tube of petroleum jelly used to stop those parts rubbing together that intimate searches sometimes cause to perspire.

“This is more than 150 ml,” I was told.


“You can’t take it through.”

That was it. Banned, barred and confiscated without another word.

I had placed it in the obligatory plastic bag to be seen, but not touched.

And for an hour I had been among literally hundreds who last week, in some cases spent three hours being harassed by security officials at Terminal Five.

I know because I saw it on the TV in Spain. It made the BBC World and Sky international services.

Ahh, Britain, Fortress Britain. What a joyful welcome (and farewell) we shall offer our guests here to spend tens of billions of pounds this summer.

The memories of gum-chewing, gun-totting, underwear sorting and crutch-invading Brits.

Come on, you visitors – you’re welcome to Britain in 2012.

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Back to reality

by The Gills Blog, with Luke Cawdell Sunday, September 26 2010

IT was back to normality with a bump for myself at Priestfield on Saturday.

After spending the last two Saturday afternoons with my feet up, enjoying the glorious sunshine in Spain, I was back in the press box at Priestfield this weekend.

It may still be September but it was freezing up at the back of the Medway Stand and the gloves and woolly hat are definitely coming out for the match against Southend on Tuesday night.

I like the fact that Burton came looking for a win, a rather refreshing change and something I don’t think we’ll see at Priestfield too often this season, although their football wasn’t exactly creative.

Unfortunately where Burton went Gillingham followed and there was a bit too much long ball going on for my liking and clearly for Andy Hessenthaler as well. He managed to get the team a bit more disciplined after the break and I reckon by 90 minutes the Gills deserved the win.

Quick to rub salt in the wounds, one of our regular contributors to the coveritlive text commentary let me know it was 32c over in Spain. Thanks for that GillSpain!

Looking outside from the KM Medway office the weather is still looking pretty grim at the minute on Sunday evening. We have just about finished putting together the Monday paper, which is pretty chocker this week following a lengthy post-match press conference after the game on Saturday.

Hessy is a top man when it comes to dealing with the press and a far cry from some recent managers at Priestfield.

The job of a local footy reporter can be made pretty difficult if the manager isn’t very cooperative or doesn’t appreciate the value of the media.

There are certainly still some characters about in football and it was quite refreshing to sit in on a press conference with Southend boss Paul Sturrock recently. He waltzed in after pretty much telling Gills’ assistant Ian Hendon to hurry up "because I need the toilet." Although his language was less polite!

I think Ian was all-too happy to cut short his press commitments after Hess decided to let his no.2 do the duties that evening.

Throughout the week we have to deal with non-league managers across Kent and you certainly get a mixed back. I have spent some time this Sunday trying to get some reaction to Chatham’s win over Walton. The manager didn’t answer his phone, the assistant did - but he was in Trinidad - and the player/coach got sent off in the game for an "off the ball incident" so it was no surprise he didn’t pick up!

Back to Hess and he was telling us about new boy Bruce Inkango and how he turned up without a suit on Saturday. Eager to avoid an early fine he apparently borrowed the kit-man Malcom’s suit from when they went to Wembley and it fitted a dream. They even managed to dig him out a tie. Pic of Malcolm below! Hopefully Malc didn't leave any fags in the pockets.

I was quite interested to see Nicky Southall giving Bruce several minutes of instructions before he came on as sub. Apparently Bruce's English isn't very good so god knows how that conversation went!

It was good news to hear that Simon King might be on the way back before Christmas, though he really does need to sort that barnet out. Hess said it makes him look like a girl but if he can recapture the form of old I guess nobody will really care.

I also heard the match-day announcer Doug say it was Barry Fuller’s birthday on Saturday. All the records I have found suggest his birthday is in August and the Gills press officer looked none the wiser. Does anyone know how old Fuller really is?

Anyway, roll on Southend, and if you are going don’t forget to wrap up warm!



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Categories: Gills

Time to deliver

by The Gills Blog, with Luke Cawdell Tuesday, September 21 2010

After two weeks in Spain I expected to return to see the Gills flying high in League 2 but I was shocked to see them sitting in 20th - just a point off bottom team Barnet.

Looking at things from afar it’s easy to see why so many people are getting agitated, after all the bookies were tipping the Gills to win the league, the manager and chairman were saying much the same, and most fans expect to be back in League 1 next season.

We are only seven games in and it’s still early but the gap between the Gills and top team Shrewsbury (the only team Gills have beaten so far) is already 10 points and margins like that aren’t easy to make up, especially when you’re scratching around trying to get a result.

Injuries have clearly hampered the Gills so far but a lack of confidence must also be creeping in. Players are big worriers and they’ll be only too aware of how disappointing the results have been. The longer it goes on the harder it’s going to be to get into a winning swing. The last minute blunder at Bradford must have been a massive body-blow to the players, as well as the fans.

Lance Cronin was singled out by the Gills boss for his error on Saturday but the players need to take collective blame - after all, where were the goals? When you don’t score you are always putting yourself under added pressure.

That pressure is mounting and it’s no surprise to hear the fans getting frustrated. The team looks good enough on paper and they need to start proving they are good enough by getting some points on the board.

Luckily we’re still in September and all is not lost. With two winnable home games coming up, against Burton and Southend, this really could be the time for the Gills to get going.

While on my hols I did have the pleasure to witness France being beaten by a last minute goal against Belarus - much to the annoyance and anger of the bar full of Les Bleus fans. I imagine there was much the same reaction from Gillingham fans in Bradford following the late defeat there.

There is never a shortage of under-performing teams and at the moment Gills are doing that in a big way. Hopefully the Gills can head into October with six more points and start hunting down those table-toppers. 

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Categories: Gills | Sport

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