by Alan Watkins
It cannot have escaped the attention of readers that the police are coming out with lots of good news for us this winter.
Crime is down. Street prostitutes are a thing of the past. Our smiling coppers are working with all sorts of community groups. Partnerships are the in thing.
Bad news is out. Just ask Steve Corbishley, our ever-smiling Top Cat at the Gavver Station (aka the Cop Shop at Gillingham Gate).
There’s a bright orange bus with SOS on its side (though these days I suspect SOS is a cry for funding rather than its avowed purpose to save the drunk, drugged, dehydrated or simply over-partied young hanging around Medway’s nightspots).
Thanks to the telly, the Fuzz has introduced Britain to a new source of storage once trouser pockets, handbags and purses become too full. It’s known as the Chatham Pocket (though fortunately some of us prefer a Man Bag).
Rumours abound about the demise of cannabis factories, brothels and speeding drivers. You’ll be delighted to know, for example, that there are only two burglaries a day in Medway.
From the Neighbourhood Watch reports I see they appear to be in the same small residential area in Gillingham, which means the rest of us see no criminal activity.
So we can all sleep soundly in our beds then, can’t we? Is it possible it all has something to do with the impending election of a police commissioner for Medway?
Or are they being lulled into a sense of wellbeing by our failure to report the attempted car thefts, petty pilferings and misdemeanours associated with misunderstood members of the community crying out for help?
I regret it has all the hallmarks of being a massive PR exercise.
Meanwhile, it will be interesting to see who decides to stand to be our first commissioner – our Happy Chappie Constabulary can’t stand.