A GRITTY hard-hitting drama hits the screens of Wednesday starring the former shadow chancellor George Osborne.
The Spending Review, which cost an incredible £155 billion to make, is being simulcast on all of the news channels.
The 39-year-old is likely to be seen in the socio-political thriller reading out a list of things he intends to curtail; all set to Bono’s Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own.
The former Selfridge’s employee has already purchased two DVD review copies at £47 of himself in the role. He said he bought them for a constituent to watch because she had no gums.
The father-of-two, who has a personal fortune of about £4 million and took over the long-running role from Alistair Darling earlier this year, is expected to appear in a tense character-driven scene in which he wields a metaphorical axe about the place whilst saying "necessary," "big society," "austerity" and "community".
Likely to be on the edge of their seats during this scene include defence bods (played by Liam Fox), benefit cheats (a dual-role for George Osborne) and quango executive-management-leaders (a welcome return for James Braithwaite).
Mr Osborne told this column from his flipped second home at Downing Street: “Crikey, George Osborne is an incredible character to be playing. He is light and shade but certainly not black and white. He’s a fully formed character - a human. He’s three-dimensional and from the start of playing George I've been able to do the full range: wit, inflexibility, pathos, idiosyncrasy, capital gains tax.
“Gosh, I don’t know how the audience will react to the show but, golly, the writers have made some tough decisions - keeping in scenes about healthcare, children's education, early years provision; but at the same time a lot of stuff was left on the cutting room floor - police, courts, pensions, all that sort of thing.”
But MP for Kingston upon Hull West and Hessle Alan Johnson, who also auditioned for the role and featured as a recurring character in the last series, accused the makers of "making a rubbish show".
Mr Johnson, 48, said: “I was certainly put up for it by my manager but the producers didn’t think I was right for it. I disagree. Obviously. I mean Christ, I've got a diploma in journalism and an honorary degree in law. I haven’t seen the programme yet but I can tell you, hand on heart, that it’s going to be awful. Absolutely awful. I’m not really surprised though, the scale and scope of it. And the incompetence.”
Mr Johnson, a former postman, will be launching his own one-off comedy tomorrow called Push for Growth, which sees him infiltrating a number of top-flight banks disguised as a £50 note in a bid to make them pay more.