Ok, we’ve got the first one out of the way, so let’s get back in to the swing of things. But before that, I have to tell you, I’m in the cusp of a cold. I’m not sure which way it’s going to go at this moment of time. I’m a bit sniffly, just a tad achey and have a bit of a tickly cough. I’m kind of hoping its just a bit of a hangover from the excesses of the party season, we’ll just have to wait and see.
So, just for a change, I thought I give the merge a bit of a rest, you could say I’d substituted it, or, of you will, sub-merged it? No, doesn’t work does it? Anyway, I asked you to come up with numbers in songs so we could literally do a top ten and as ever, you didn’t let me down. I can’t print all of them, so here are the first ten in.
- ONE Love; Bob Marley and the Whailers
- Goody TWO shoes; Adam Ant
- THREE steps to heaven; Showaddywaddy
- I’ll be there FOUR you; The Rembrandts
- Nine to FIVE; Dolly Parton
- SIX on fire; Kings of Leon
- SEVEN days; Craig David
- EIGHT days a week; The Beatles
- Ninety-NINE red balloons; Nena
- Perfect TEN; The Beautiful South
My stalker problems are still hankering on. You may have heard me mention that blooming Beyonce has been haranguing me over Christmas, I thought I’d got rid of her but she’s back with a vengeance. She keeps turning up round my mum’s house and she’s already sent her away with a flea in her ear on several occasions. Now she’s resorted to going down to the pubs I drink in. Del from the Queens Head at Kingsnorth got fed up with her nursing her half a bitter shandy all night and told her to jog on back to America in no uncertain terms. Hopefully there will be nothing to report tomorrow, but you never know, the poor woman’s obsessed.
Look, one more time and that’s it. No more mentions of my birthday, as it happens nobody at all rang today to mention it, but that’s not the point. I’m just letting you know, January 17th is a no go zone, I’d rather just leave it be, skip over it, pretend its never going to happen. By the way, it falls on the Monday this year which is a bit inconvenient.
Well hello there my dear friends and a very happy new year to every single one of you. I wish you all the luck in the world for this coming year and hope you reach all of your goals and achieve your aspirations. As for me, I can’t be bothered with all that to be frank. My New Year’s resolution was to give up giving things up and to now I’ve done quite well. Not purposefully, I’ve actually given up beer it would seem, this is more luck than judgement, trust me. And by the way, it’s only been a day, well, 32 hours and 25 minutes to be exact, so no great shakes yet. I’ve also decided to drink a lot more water, which happens to affect the amount of tea I drink, so I suppose I’ve stopped drinking tea, I think. Oh I don’t know, not sure if I’ve given up stuff or not anymore. I’m still completely mixed up what blinking day it is if I’m honest, you get lost in the middle of it all. I’m so pleased to get back to work, I truly am, it was all too much for much too long.
Do you know what gets on my nerves, those stupid ‘text to many’ New Year’s Eve messages. I know I’m going to upset a few of my friends here, because I got about forty (oh, ok, about twenty) of them come through, but they just don’t have that personal touch and half of them are just trying to be funny, when they’re not. I suppose the best this year, was ‘I know I’m early, but I suffer from premature congratulations’, but it stopped being funny after the tenth time.
So it’s back home to bed-fordshire for me (obviously I’m not going to the actual county of Bedfordshire, that would be stupid and indeed pointless, no I mean I’m going home to bed, it’s just a quirky way of saying it that’s all) as all this non-drinking of alcohol and drinking lots of water is making me feel quite weird. Plus add to that I was up half the night watching The Ashes unfold and you’ll realise that I’m a bit tuckered out, a good afternoon siesta and hopefully my body clock will level itself out and I’ll be back in the game.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give you Christmas Eve. That’s right, we’ve made it, one more sleep and we’re there. This is the most exciting day of the year with all our hopes and expectations raised to incredible high and by this time tomorrow morning, after all that hard graft, all that will be left, will be a pile of wrapping paper strewn across the front room floor. Then it’s time to start eating and drinking far too much. I will be holding back though as I have to deposit my Mum up to my brothers in East London. It’s also my son Charlie’s birthday, so it’ll be an even bigger occasion. Don’t forget my friend and colleague Kirstyn Read will be with you on the big day from 10 until 1 to help you through your Christmas morning.
We will be back next Wednesday for the build up to New Years Eve, but this time we’ll have other members of the county eaves dropping, sorry about that.
So all it leaves me to say is have an absolutely incredible Christmas and I truly hope you get everything you want and deserve.
Lots of Love
Webbo (and Kirstyn) x x
It’s Christmas Eve, Eve which basically means 2 more sleeps until the arrival of the big man. Have another little merge for you, which is of course Christmas related, be stupid not to frankly.
I had my traffic and travel correspondent pop in to see me today, namely Harvey Smith aged 5 from Godington School. I was blessed to meet young Harvey a few months ago after a friend asked if he could pop in to see us. Well, since then we have become firm friends and it would have been rude not to ask him in for a Christmas visit. He was in top form and even brought along his own special guest, Marvin from JLS. Ok, not the actual Marvin, but a doll version, but it was still nice to see him.
You seem to be loving the extra Crimbo records we are slipping in, although I couldn’t help but notice a couple of omissions from the playlist so we thought we’d give you the option of choosing between three of my personal favourites. So you had the choice between Elvis’ Blue Blue Christmas, Mud’s It’ll be Lonely This Christmas and David Essex’s A Winters Tale. It was nip and tuck all the way through, but in the end Mud won the day. But fear not people, it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow and Kirstyn is promising the world, so hold on tight because it’s going to be an incredible ride.
So the merge today was once again, anything to do with Christmas and pop songs. Now, it could have been a Crimbo song merged with a normal song, anything really, it’s your call.
10. Like a VIRGIN-MARY
9. I like driving- HOME FOR CHRISTMAS in my car
8. MISTLETOE & Mulled WINE
7. Wishing on a STAR OF BETHLEHEM
6. This used to be my NATIVITY PLAY-ground
5. Like a VIRGIN-MARY
4.MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY-wants to rule the world
3. SILENT NIGHT-s in white satin
2.American MINCE-PIE
1. Bohemian GIFT-RAPSODY
So if you are out to do some last minute shopping, just remember this, a jumper is not just for Christmas.
3 more sleeps everyone, the pressure is mounting as well as the excitement. I’m sweating on one more present turning up that I’d booked via the internet and to be honest, I’m not holding out much hop. It’s coming from abroad you see, and as no planes are landing very much at the moment, can’t see it happening, but hey-ho.
Lot’s of Merry Christmas messages coming in already and to be completely honest with you, it seems a bit early yet, we still have two more shows, so kind of hoping you lot are going to hang on in there with us.
It was of course finally time to start a Christmas merge, so I thought I’d keep it as loose as possible to help you out. So the merge was no more specific than ANYTHING to do with Christmas and ANYBODY famous. So I gave you Chris-TMAS Evans, his ex wife 11 Billie PIPERS PIPING and A CHRISTMAS CAROL Voordeman.
10. NOEL Edmonds
9. WE 3 KINGS of Leon
8. ST.NICHOLAS Parsons
7. Alicia TUR-KEYS
6. Mar-TIN-SEL Clunes
5. MISTLETOE & Amy WINE-house
4. GOLD, FRANKINCENSE and Olly MUR-s
3. Queen Eliza-BETH-LEHEM
2. RUDOLPH Nuryev THE RED NOSED REINDEER
1. 10 LORD Sugar’s A LEAPING
But a very special mention to ‘Benno’, who after a right old ‘ropey’ old start, redeemed himself by coming up with the following.
5 ‘GOLDIE’ RINGS
4.DICKIE BIRDS (cricket umpire)
3 DAWN FRENCH HENS
2. COURTNEY LOVES
1 And an ALAN PARTRIDGE in a pear true
See you tomorrow for the penultimate show before the big day and have a brilliant Christmas Eve, Eve, Eve.
So if any of you were listening to the ‘Wake Up With Webbo’ hour between 6 and 7, you would have heard me saying that I was being assessed. It’s not exactly correct, but not far off of it. It was actually Kirstyn, who as you know doesn’t normally get here until after 7. She was here because her cars being fixed and she had extra work to do, bless her. So I picked her up and brought her with me, she wasn’t happy, and it was quite nerve racking as she sat in the office and listened to the show, so it did feel like I was being assessed. The ironic thing about all of that, was that at 7 she was so hungry, she popped to the garage to get some grub and was late back, so it would have seemed that she was late although she was an hour or so early.
The main baulk of today’s show had to be the story of David Beckham being rumoured to be getting a knighthood. I put it out there that I wasn’t sure if he had completely earned the right to be a Sir at the age of 35. Now don’t get me wrong, I think he is an incredible role model for young aspiring footballers and a good family man (apart from a little blip, that wasn’t ever proved to be true anyway). I wouldn’t mind seeing him get a gong in all honesty and most of you tended to agree. But the best bit about this story, is that it inspired the rest of the show. I simply said that when Ashford, Tenterden and our surrounding areas become a ‘gated community’, ie nobody will ever have to leave the area and we will all live off the land and let the animals roam free and guests will have to apply for visitor passes. Anyway, why don’t we have our own list of nominees for knighthoods as I’m sure there are some deserving people right under our noses? Well, the phones lit up as you bombarded us with your nominations for Sir’s, Dame’s and posthumous awards. We are thinking about making this an ongoing item, but for now here is a list so far.
SIRS: DAMES: POSTHUMOUS: MISCELANEOUS:
Bill Beaney Sharon Harris Joe Fagg The Carers
Basil ‘Romany’ Riley Sue Warren Sparrow Dawes Doctors and Nurses
Peter McRobert Mrs. Perkins Toddy Beaney The Emergency Services
Michael ‘Barbados’ Strong Annie Riley Danny Lynch
Ben Watson Heather Wynter
Stuart Wilmer Susan Aitkin
Shaun King Jackie Snare
Barry Ball & Sons Jackie Dodson
Ernie Warren Stella King
Ian Thomas
Chairman Mao
Gary Godden
Southend Charlie
Rob Wilson
Chris Cornbell
Richard ‘Wally’ Wallbridge
Ted Revel
Where the heck have you lot been, it feels like an eternity. I hope and trust your weekends were everything you expected, even with the incredible amount of snow that got dumped on us. I got caught out, right slap bang in the middle of the deluge. My Maisy was in Town with my mum and I had to go and pick them up and deliver them to certain destinations. The skies opened and it was relentless, it felt like it was dusk as it turned almost black. It took me an hour to get from Town to Stanhope, then I had to try and get back to Willesborough, which took another forty minutes, then the trouble really started. Now I must point out at this stage, that I do have a pick-up truck that it has 4 wheel drive which makes driving in snow so much easier and safer. The problem with that is you end up ferrying everyone around. Then of course if you see somebody stuck, you can’t help but help. As I got to the junction of Boys Hall Road and you have turn right to go over the railway bridge towards the William Harvey pub, nobody could get the purchase to climb the steep slope and one van had actually slid back down the hill and wedged itself on a lamppost. Being the Good Samaritan that I am and I knew the driver, I pulled over to lend a hand. We got him tied to the back of my truck and prepared to tow. The unfortunate part of this is that there were still cars stranded on the hill and we had to have a clear run to make the summit. So then we had to push all four out of the way, I was exhausted and beginning to regret my Samaritan work. But I have to say, people do come together under such circumstances and everybody lent a hand. To cut an already long story short, I managed to release the van from its hostage lamppost and got him over the brow of the hill.
I was a tad concerned on Saturday that the dusty’s disco at The George wouldn’t go ahead, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the main man in the relationship, namely MC Gazza Moore, was stranded the other side of Maidstone after his brand new car had decided to blow up and he was waiting for hours on end to get the tow truck out. Fortunately, it delivered him home just in time and I went to pick him and the gear up. Secondly, I was also worried that people might decide against making the trudge in to Town and stay nice and toasty indoors, well, I needn’t have worried frankly. There is just no holding you lot back when there is dancing to be done and you were there in your droves. For me, the funniest bit was seeing almost every single one of the girls arriving in their walking boots, carrying their dancing shoes in a shopping bag, priceless.
So it’s now only five more sleeps until the big man turns up and I’m only just about containing my excitement. I do love this bit, the whole build up, especially as I finally got my last presents so it’s now full steam ahead, ding dong merrily on high, that’s what I say.
It’s yet another ‘the morning after the night before’ feeling as we partied hard yet again at the kmfm senior citizens Christmas party at Sandyacres. It was another wonderful occasion and everyone was very happy with everything from the food to the entertainment and so on and so forth. The beer was flowing very nicely thank you for asking and the guests were quaffing the cherry as if it was going out of fashion, which I thought it had anyway. Once again, a massive thank you to Ernie and Sue Warren and their right hand woman Anne-Marie. The staff and volunteers that helped get the food out, on time and still warm, to the tables. To John Howland from Swift Security for the sponsorship and Dee from Upmarket balloons for the table decorations. Then of course there was Ellie Fiore, with the voice of an angel and Ricky Fontaine who sang his socks off, he’s a local legend. I even got up and had a little singalong and I loved it, once I’ve started, it’s a tough job getting me off frankly.
The ‘Webbo, I’m in’ competition was another runaway success as another twenty four of you entered, with a chance of winning, well as it happens, you didn’t know what it was you were winning, and nor did I. But you trusted me enough to come up with something and I didn’t let you down. It was the choice between a book all about phrases we use in everyday life, or a pair of leather mittens that my mother-in-law gave me last Christmas. Today’s winner was Mark Giles or Gilo as I like to call him. Redders picked his number for me and after much discussion of such a painstaking decision; he opted for the book, good choice. But you lot never fail to surprise me because Jason Crocker then rang me to offer £5 to a charity of my choice if he could have the mittens. So there you have it, the bidding starts here, do you want a pair of leather mittens badly enough to outbid Jason. I’ll go up in pounds if you like, just drop me an e mail at www.jwebster@kmfm.co.uk
Then Kirstyn turned up and we had yet another competition, ‘Free Movie Friday’ to be specific. This has to be the most popular competition we’ve done for quite some time as it involves not only free movie tickets, but forty quid to spend at The American Diner at Bybrook Barn, which is sublime. Today’s winner was a lovely lady called Julie who listens to us all the way down in Hythe, congratulations.
Now don’t forget that it’s the Christmas Dusty’s Years Disco tomorrow night at The George. The remarkable M.C.Mooro and my good self will be spinning the discs from approximately 8 o’clock until the early hours and it’s going to be a busy one I can tell you. My advice, get there nice and early and get yourself a good place on the dance floor, it’s going to be a busy one, I can guarantee that.
So by the time we meet again, which is of course Monday, the kids will all be off school, we may have a bit more snow on the ground and there will only be five more sleeps until Christmas, wahoo!
I won’t lie to you, I’m feeling a bit tender this morning after our office party exploits yesterday. It’s my own fault, as it usually is, for being the first there and the last to leave, in fact at one stage I was even asked if I was going to leave at all, I was enjoying myself too much. We were at The George, the proud sponsors of our breakfast show and thought that was quite fitting. Dave the chef did us all proud, most went for traditional but I kind of went a bit off the cuff and had the bar snack option because I wanted to keep space for the beer. It was all very traditional with the crackers being pulled, hats being donned and rubbish jokes being told. But fun was had by all I think, and then we went for the old ‘secret Santa’. If you are unaware of the whole ‘secret Santa’ thing, then basically you all draw a name out of the hat and buy a present for that person and it’s given to them anonymously. Normally, it’s a tenner or a fiver, but as times are hard we went for a quid. I know it sounds a bit stingy, but you’d be surprised what you can do with a bit of imagination and the 99p and poundshop.
The parties just keep coming and Kirstyn and I are off to another this afternoon, namely The KMFM Senior Citizens Christmas Party at Sandyacres. This is the fourth year now and it really does kick start my Christmas. It is all the brainchild of my old mate Ernie Warren and his delightful and stunning wife Sue who just want to give something back to the community. This year, John Howland from Swift Security is sponsoring the event and Dee from UpMaerket Balloons has given us the table decorations. The entertainment will be from Mr. Ricky Fontaine and from Ellie Fiore and of course, I’ll be having a bit of a go, probably a bit of Elvis. Having said that, I think I’ve convinced Kirstyn in to joining me in a rousing rendition of The Pogues and Kirsty McColl’s Fairytale of New York.
Think I might have to get myself a quick cat-nap before the next party, that’ll teach me to get up early and watch The Ashes won’t it. Oh, and the drinking til too late and not going to bed early enough. Don’t forget tomorrow I’ll be playing my world famous ‘Webbo, I’m in’ game that has gripped the nation, plus it’s our ‘free movie Friday competition’, so don’t you go anywhere.
You know what, sometimes things just tend to take over when you are a local radio station, particularly when the snow comes down or there is a major traffic accident. Well, we’ve had the snow and today there has been a serious accident that has brought Ashford to almost a gridlocked standstill. Basically, there was a lorry that has overturned about three miles short of junction 8 London bound. All the emergency services were on hand as well as the air ambulance and as I type, nobody is moving anywhere between junctions 9 and 8. There are tailbacks all the way back passed 10 and if you are stuck, they are taking you off at 9 sending you up the A20, which has also had a bit of an accident. Honestly, nowhere is unaffected by the problem, it’s a vicious circle.
Kirstyn couldn’t be more excited today and I’ve never seen her in a better mood, the reason, we’re going out for our office Christmas lunch and when food is involved, she is in seventh heaven. I can hear her now shouting across the office reminding people of what they have ordered. They all know exactly what they have ordered, but she just likes saying food out loud I think.
Today’s merge kept a similar theme to yesterday, in that I kept the body parts but added pop artists instead of songs.
10. Duran Dur-AN-KLE
9. Jimmy FINGER-NAIL
8. Bo-KNEE M
7. PINK-Y Floyd
6. Rolling GAL-STONES
5. Fatboy LIMB
4. Culture Club-FOOT
3. Kid-NEY Rock
2. THIGH-mon and CAL-F-unkel
1. David EL-BOW-ie
Random moment of the day has to be Kirstyn’s invention of the phrase ‘Shilly-Shally, and although I’m not aware of it myself she professes that it really does exist, personally I think she meant Dilly-Dally as the context she used it in was to say about someone dawdling around. You know, like the song ‘my old man said follow the van, and don’t dilly-dally on the way’. It definitely wasn’t ‘don’t shilly-shally’ was it now?
11 more sleeps until Christmas everyone. I’m off to the shops; I’ve finally got my momentum and feel the need to get amongst it.
So lets hit the merging game nice and early, because I also need to finish off my column for this weeks Kentish Express, its rather a busy day Tuesdays. The merging clue was ‘footloose’ and congratulations Ruth and Kerry for guessing it was songs and body parts. So, starting from the bottom ( so to speak) here are today’s ‘body songs’, from the foot up
- Mistle-TOE and wine
- CALF a world away (Oasis)
- The SH-In crowd (Roxy Music)
- When I KNEE-d love (Leo Sayer)
- The tide is T-HIGH Blondie)
- There’s a guy work’s down the chip-shop swears he’s P-ELVIS (Kirsty McColl)
- HIP-py HIP-py shake (The Beatles)
- Fat BOTTOM-ed girls (Queen)
- STO-MAC-H the knife (Bobby Darren)
- Simply the B-r-E-a-ST (Tina Turner)
- Don’t look BACK in anger (Oasis)
- Brothers in ARMS (Dire Straights)
- Rubber NECK-ing (Elvis)
- CH-in too deep (Genesis)
- Kiss me with your MOUTH (Steven Tin Tin Duffy)
- God only NOSE (Beach Boys)
- Bright EYES (Art Garfunkel)
- Somewhere over the EYEBROW (Judy Garland, and I know it doesn’t work, but it’s funny)
- Can’t get you ‘outa my HEAD (Kylie)
So there you have it, from top to toe, your anatomy and songs, well done everyBODY (see what I did there).
I had the most wonderful Friday I have to tell you, unfortunately, it all went down hill from there. After the show we headed off to Victoria Road Primary school, because we were invited to watch their nativity play, entitled ‘the wiggly nativity’. It was an absolute blast, I loved it from start to finish and even had a little tear. Since my kids have all grown up and moved on to their respective secondary schools, the thing I have missed the most is the Christmas nativity play. It doesn’t get any better for me, it’s the best possible age reception and year 1. So Victoria Road teachers, T.A.’s and pupils alike, I salute you all. Especially as they stuck to the classic nativity and didn’t go all politically correct on us, well done everyone.
Then I popped over to my old stomping ground, Stanhope, firstly to see my mum in my old house and then on to open up the Christmas Fair. It was an amazing turn out, so many more people turned up than expected, so happy faces all round.
Saturday started out well, but when it’s a trip to West Ham, you know it can all go wrong, and my team didn’t let me down. We lost to the billionaires Man.City, actually we were annihilated by them, but no problem, and we are used to it.
My Monday Morning Surgery took an interesting twist as I took three phone calls, first up was Crazy Colin, followed up almost immediately by Mad Ange and then eventually Potty Lotty, I assume you can see the running theme. But it was the last two calls that I found to be ironic, because Mad Ange wanted to know how to treat a severe dose of calf cramp, a nasty business I have to say, that I have had my fair share of so she had my complete sympathy. Then Potty Lotty rang to say that on Sunday, she helped to deliver a calf in to the world. So there you have it, another common theme, this time calves. Is it just me that found that a bit weird?
Kirstyn informs me that she spent most of the weekend studying, so not much to explore there really. Not that I’m saying she is dull, far from it, I think what she is doing is brilliant; it’s just that it’s not great ‘radio chat’.
And finally, I owe a huge amount of gratitude to the girls from the garage, Glynis and Ange, who heard my plea to Kirstyn for help. When I got in this morning there was no sugar, which is a nightmare, but there were some sweetners. That’ll do I thought, that was until I tasted the tea and nearly spat it all over the studio desk which could have had disastrous consequences. I’m not sure if I have some kind allergy to sweetners, or if they can go off, but whatever the case, mt tea tasted disgusting. The thing is, if I don’t have my tea in the morning, I tend to become very grouchy, but thanks to the girls, they saved the day and popped some sugar over from across the road, I love you both.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the weekend. It’s free movie Friday as well which adds to the whole buzz and chuck in to the frame my brand new all singing all dancing feature that is taking the region by storm. That’s right every Friday from here until infinity I will be playing the ‘Webbo I’m in’ game. This seems to have completely usurped the merging game in terms of interaction. I suppose it’s because it doesn’t take any thought whatsoever, just a text. Twenty five of you this morning between 6.20am and 6.50am jumped on the band wagon to win a prize and you didn’t even know what the heck you were going to win. It’s all about the trust you see, you believe in me and I return the compliment, just like a relationship really. So today for a special treat, I offered you a choice of prizes, I know, how generous am I? I got me old mate Redders to randomly select a number and the lucky winner was Fiona working at Pluckley station. She had the option of winning two tickets for tomorrow nights pantomime at the Marlowe, or the Chas and Dave ‘Gertcha’ album, on cassette. Strangely enough, Fiona wasn’t over keen on the cassette AND wasn’t available for the pantomime tomorrow. So that kind of fell a bit flat really, but she did settle for a signed photograph of Kirstyn and I.
Right, this afternoon I want all of you that have ever lived or now live on Stanhope to come and join me outside the Moat offices as we open up Santa’s Grotto and get all festive with carol singing and the like. It starts at 4 o’clock and finishes around about 6. I always love ‘going home’ and doing stuff like this because it’s odd to think that after living on Stanhope for nigh on twenty five years, I would be asked to come back and open up the big man’s Grotto, unbelievable, I’m honoured, privileged and indeed humbled.
Here are a few more events to look out for over the weekend, starting with a Community Open Day and Craft Fair at Homewood School on Saturday from 10am-3pm.
Hamstreet Christmas Fayre is on Sat 11th from 10 til 5pm at Victory Hall in the village. Good selection of craft, jewellery, handmade gifts, cards, cakes, preserves, olives and sweet stalls plus raffle and refreshments available! All money raised goes to the Kent MS Therapy Centre
Show jumping at Willow Farm this weekend! Log onto www.cbequine.co.uk for more details.
On Saturday evening at St Margarets Church, Hothfield there’s a carol service at 7.30pm with nibbles and drinks after. £8 for adults £2 for kids under 10
The Invicta Singers are performing at St Mary’s Church in Willesborough on Sunday, £5 entry for adults and £3 for kids
Kingsnorth Church and school will be singing carols on the green opposite the Queens Head on Sunday from 5pm then nibbles and drinks in the pub after!
Have a wonderful weekend, whatever it is you get up to and I’ll be back be bright and early Monday morning, I love you all.
So there I was, minding my own business, having a quiet libation in one of my favourite hostelries, when all of a sudden I was embroiled in a conversation. I wasn’t looking for it to happen, I was very happy in my own little world, but I couldn’t resist. It was all to do with films, people favourite films to be exact. It was going round the houses a little bit and I knew at some stage that would ask me. It’s not as if I had to think about it, I know them like the back of my hand. In no particular order, because I just can’t separate them as they are all so different, they are; Spartucus, starring Kirk Douglas; Monty Python and The Holy Grail; The Magnificent Seven starring my all time Hollywood hero steve McQueen; Escape to Victory (I know, a bit controversial) starring Michael Caine, Sylvester Stallone and featuring my all time sporting hero Bobby Moore; and finally The Great Escape, once again, starring Steve McQueen, legend. The reason for me going through my laborious little list is because it inspired today’s merging game. In my mind I strung two of them together to give me The Great Escape to Victory, although your clue was The ROCKY Horror show.
10. Its a wonderful a LIFE of Brian
9. The Full MONTY python and the Holy grail
8. An Officer and a GENTLEMAN prefer blondes
7. Gone with the WIND in the willows
6. The man with the golden NAKED gun
5. The good, the bad BOYS and the ugly
4. Die another INDEPENDENCE day
3. Shakespeare in LOVE actually
2. Muriel’s WEDDING singer
1. While you were SLEEPING beauty AND THE BEAST
So, I’m off to the fire station, to hopefully slide down a pole, it would be a dream come true, isn’t it every kid’s or even big kid’s. The reason for this is that Mike Hitney and his merry band of fire fighters have come up trumps for us in the sense that they have donated £500 towards the Sophie fund. We didn’t ask them to do that, but they read about it in the paper and insisted, bless them. So Alison Lang, the organiser, her son Adam, Sophie herself and I are going down to have a look round and get the cheque.
So chow for now and don’t forget that tomorrow, the weekend officially starts when I come on air at 6am. And to celebrate tat fact, I’ll be playing the ‘I’m in Webbo’ game, it’s where you have the chance to win something by simply texting ‘Webbo, I’m in’. You won’t know what it is until the end and probably, nor will I. The first week it was a Stanhope calendar and last week a pop music interactive cd game, so you chance your arm and you takes your bet.
Also tomorrow, it’s ‘free movie Friday’ with our friends at The American Diner at Bybrook Barn. Simply identify the film clip we play and you could win 4 Cineworld tickets and £40 worth of grub. Why would you listen to anyone else?
Oh my goodness me, I can hardly contain myself, excitement is coursing through my veins and my hands are shaking as I type this out. I’ve taken a phone call from a certain Mr. Ernie Warren from Sandyacres Sports and Social club and I can hardly wait for the day to arrive, sadly it’s not until next April, Friday April 8th to be exact. I will be there with the Webbo’s VINYL years disco, not Dusty’s, VINYL. That means I’ll be playing some classic 60’s and 70’s tunes, warming you up for the main act. And that main act ladies and gentlemen is none other than, wait for it….Mr. Alvin Stardust. Yes, you heard me right Alvin blooming Stardust for goodness sake. ‘Coo-Ca-Choo’ ‘Jealous Mind’ to name but two, what a laugh. Now I reckon tickets will go pretty quickly, honest, so I suggest you get in early and call Ernie right now on 01233 627373.
So, on to the merge and I kept yesterdays theme of ‘surrounding areas’ merged in with ‘pop artists’
10. S-t-INGLETON
9. Charlotte WOOD-CHURCH
8. Olly Mur-SHAM
7. KEN-ny-ARDINGTON
6. Elkie BROOK-s
5. Linkin PARK-FARM
4. The HAM-STREET-s
3. The APPLE-D-o-ORS
2. The Beautiful SOUTH WILLESBOROUGH
1. Soft SELLINDGE
The ‘Frankie says…’ feature, which is building up momentum as we travel headlong towards the big day, was back on at prime time listening. Little Frankie, aged 6, has the voice of an angel and an infectious youthful exuberance, which must be heard on the radio, even if the jokes that she tells us are from the worst ever Christmas cracker, I don’t even remember today’s joke, but that is not the point.
And finally today, I’d like to list all the main players that helped raise a fortune to send my little mate Sophie and her family to Disneyland Paris.
The Singleton Barn, The Swan at Great Chart, The Chimneys, The George and The Albion pubs.
Chris at Medi-care for supplying Soph’s oxygen and Euro Tunnel for donating it’s passage for free.
Roger Osbourne from The Lions Club and Dave Crammond from The Winkle Club
Barry Ball and all at The Masonic Lodge Members from Godfroy De Bullion in France, the members are mostly Ashfordians.
Sam from Stones Hairdressers.
The ‘Salty Dog’ band for the music and special thanks to Michelle who just kept playing.
VJ Technology
Steve, and his family Nikki, Joe and Holly for getting all facy dressed up and Steve for haranguing every builder he knows for donations.
The Fire Station and Mike Pitney
Every single one of you who turned up on the day in some testing weather conditions, but not batting an eye, especially the kids.
And last but by no means least, Alison Lang who orchestrated the whole thing, she deserves a medal frankly. Plus her other half Kevin who quietly gets on with it, no fuss, but does so much behind the scenes and their little boy Adam, who didn’t stop smiling.
I’ve been involved in many charitable events, but this really was a special effort, arranged in three weeks, carried out, reached it’s goal and then exceeded it. It was a pleasure to be involved in.
So it’s finally back to basics after all that blooming snow stuff. It’s been so long I nearly forgot how we play the merging game, but it all came back to me just in the nick of time. I simply didn’t have the time to cram it in last week, so my most sincerest of apologies to all you mergers, I know how you feel because I had withdrawal symptoms. Enough of the small talk, let’s crack on and I thought I’d give you a clue to get you going today, with the promise that I’d eat my hat if anyone got it right and sadly Beccy and Tom did exactly that. It was a bit hard to suggest, but I’m a man of my word, the clue was Y.M.C.A and it definitely threw a few of you. Obviously it was a pop song, but merged with what, well, surrounding areas that’s what, you see, Wye is in there. Right, over to you lot….
10. BRABOURNE in the USA (Springstein)
9. Where the HAM-STREET-s have no name (U2)
8. Knock on WOOD-CHURCH
7. AL-L-DINGTON together now (The Farm)
6. HOTH-FIELDS of gold (Sting)
5. NEW-TOWN called malice (The Jam)
4. WEST-WELL, Well, Well (Duffy)
3. STAN(D)HOPE and deliver (Adam and the Ants)
2. Perfect TEN-TERDEN (Beautiful South)
1. The tide is HIGH-HALDEN (Blondie)
In true Christmas spirit, we have now discovered a new feature for the show which I think we might call ‘Frankie says…’ There is a young lady, I believe she is 6, who rings in on a regular basis and has become almost one of the team. For one reason or another, she seems to be rather excited about Christmas fast approaching, I remember that feeling. Well, she has rang in constantly to let us know what is behind each window of her Advent calendar and then tell us a Xmas joke. It seemed much to cute not to put on air, so today she regaled us with another gag. Yesterdays was ‘what do you call it when Santa gets stuck in the chimney?’ and the answer is of course Claustophobia. Well, let me tell you, today’s was even better and Kirstyn actually understood this one, in fact she stole little Frankie’s thunder by guessing it before she gave the answer, bah humbug. It was, ‘what is Santa’s wife called?’, answer, Mary Christmas, plenty more where that came from.
Well that was a weekend and a half let me tell you and a particularly strange one because of the extreme weather conditions which made every event I turned up at, completely different. So, still with the snow on the ground and to add to that some freezing fog, first up was Charing where we were booked to let Santa into his cottage, unfortunately local legend Vic Reeves and his beautiful wife Nancy turned up for the same reason. It was a bit of an unfortunate, but we managed to avoid a confrontation and had a great time. Kirstyn and I even won a couple of prizes on the tombola which topped the night off perfectly. I take my hat off to the ‘ladies of the lights’ who work tirelessly to make sure this event takes place every year.
Saturday came and the roads had completely cleared, sadly the pavements were like ice rinks after the overnight frost and we were doing our ‘fun walk for Sophie’ along those aforementioned pavements, but it didn’t phase us and we all carried on regardless. The reason that fifty odd of us decided to do the walk was because of Sophie Ashdown, a true inspiration to anyone’s whose life she touches, everybody bar none fall in love with her, once met never forgotten. So off we trotted from The Singleton Barn where Darren the landlord came up trumps for us then and later where we finished off. The next destination was The Swan at Great Chart, run by my dear friend Tina Dilworth, who once again when above and beyond the call of duty. She was so very helpful and I am truly grateful for her hospitality as well as her fund raising efforts. I must point out at this stage that little Soph was so desperate to do the entire route, that her wheelchair was ditched and she was pulled along on a sledge. Next up was The Chimneys on Godinton Park, many thanks to Costas and his staff for all their help. After that, we made our way back towards the barn, when the heavens opened yet again. Much to Sophie’s annoyance we thought it best to get her a lift the rest of the way as the rain became horizontal and relentless. Finally, back at the barn the raffle was drawn and the music began, led superbly by a fantastic band called Salty Dog. Then Alison Lang, the chief organiser did her turn with Michelle and then I decided to get in on the act, with some rapping for some reason. It was an incredible day and I will get round to thanking everyone who contributed when I get my little list.
So, on to Sunday and it was the turn of the Carters Wood Hamstreet’s Christmas fayre and now the snow had completely gone but Jack Frost had decided to show his face and with a vengeance, it was bitter, but fortunately we weren’t. My mate Sheila and her band of merry helpers do a great job putting on, these type of things can be a thankless task.
So that was my weekend, Kirstyn had fun judging her talent show with Simon Cowell’s brother, but it wasn’t local, in fact it was in Sittingbourne, so that’s enough of that.
It was a welcome relief to be able to do a show where it wasn’t all about the snow and the school closures, and let’s just hope that continues for the foreseeable future. Same as yesterday really, loads of snow, school closures and traffic problems. In fairness, we didn’t get as much snow as Thursday, but what we did get was the snow freezing over, turning to ice and creating just as many problems, particularly with the off the beat and track roads, nightmare of skating rink proportions.
I’m loving my new Friday feature which I call ‘The Friday I’m in with Webbo’ competition. If you haven’t heard of it yet, it’s very straight forward, I ask you to text ‘Webbo, I’m in’ and I register you in the draw to win something, but generally you will never know what it is, so you’re chancing your arm. 23 entrance this week, about the same as last week when Andrea won a Stanhope calendar. This week I happened to have a dvd pop quiz game by Martin Kemp just floating around, so congratulations to Beccy for nailing that prize, more next Friday.
Right, what’s going on this weekend I hear you scream, well, let me tell you. It all kicks off tonight in Charing when Kirstyn and I open up Santa’s Cottage in the market place at 5pm, or there or thereabouts. All the fun of the fair is taking place so come along and show your support. Kirstyn then has to rush back to do her Essential Eighties Show, while I’m off to one of my disco’s, I would tell you where it is, but it’s a private do and he probably wouldn’t appreciate my hundreds of followers (tongue in cheek alert) turning up.
Saturday is the Sophie Fun Walk and come rain or shine, sleet or snow, we WILL be doing it, even if we have to take Sophie in a sledge, she wants to make it. We are trying to raise enough money to send Sophie to Disneyland Paris for her first ever holiday. She is only six and has been very poorly since she was three. It’s an awful and rare disease which affects her lungs and means she is on oxygen permanently. So many people have already donated and I can’t thank you enough, but we need more so if you fancy the walk or just would like to donate, then here is how. We are meeting at The Singleton Barn at mid-day, then walking to The Swan in Great Chart, off to the Chimneys on Godington Park and back to The Barn for some entertainment and the grand raffle draw.
Then on Sunday I’m turning on the Hamstreet Christmas lights at Carters Wood, I’m there from 4.30, so once again please do come down and join in and support your local village.
This is the long and the short of it, in a nutshell.
It snowed over night, and then kept on snowing and still is at 2 o’clock
All but three schools were shut and the roads were a nightmare, as well as public transport.
Add on top of that, we were on air for 8 hours (well I was, she got here much later) and there you have it, that was the day.
See you tomorrow for much of the same folks.
Another load of disappointed kids and indeed school teachers this morning as most of the schools managed to open. We were inundated once again with kids pleading with us to tell them their respective schools were shut, sorry to upset you.
I was still buzzing this morning when I came in, not because I’m a snow lover, but because my team managed to win a game of football, unbelievable. But not just winning any old game of football, it was the quarter final of the carling Cup and it was against last year’s winners and the current league leaders Man Utd. And again, not just beating them, we annihilated them 4 blooming nil and we had a goal ruled out and a definite penalty turned down. We were unbelievable, it’s not the team I’ve been watching for most of the season, let’s hope it’s the turning point. I was so over excited that I hardly managed to sleep, I even stayed up to watch the replay, then got up early to watch it again. I know it sounds a bit sad, but I rarely get a chance to celebrate West Ham playing as well and beating one of the best teams in the world. Thank you for all kind words and supportive messages, I even got some from the Man U fans.
Sorry everyone, not much else to report back because of the severe weather, I does take over a tad. I’ll make sure we get a merge in tomorrow, that’s if the weather doesn’t get any worse.
Look I know I’ve said it before, but we really couldn’t do this show of ours without you. Today is a great example as the snow fell and continues to swamp us. When I walked in this morning, things were too bad with just a dusting on the pavements and the roads completely bereft. But it led us in to a false sense of security and it bucketed down. There wasn’t that many school closures, in fact only three in total, but the roads were diabolical. You rang in your hundreds to warn us of the worst affected areas and we were able to get the messages out immediately, that’s one of the strongest assets we have on local radio and can pin point trouble instantly, plus we know the area like the back of our hands. Unfortunately, because of the extreme circumstances today, even our warnings couldn’t save you from being stuck, it was virtual gridlock all over our region, and even Stanhope ring-road came to a grinding halt.
Because of this, we didn’t get that much time for our normal banter, but such is life. I did however manage to squeeze in my merging game, or should I say Benno’s. He came up with the idea of upping the anti and merging together three things. Unfortunately, he overslept, or so he says and couldn’t join in. It was a tough one and we had quality instead of quantity today. I asked you to come up with a pop song, then a pop band and then another pop song and here is the outcome.
10. I’m your MAN-FRED-Man-eater
9. Get BACK-STREET BOYS-are back in town
8. You to me are EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL-friend
7. Let it BE-E GEE-sus to a child
6. I’ll be there for U- 2 much too young
5. God save the QUEEN of my heart
4. Go-WEST-LIFFE on Mars
3. I’m going slightly-MAD-NESS-on Dorma
2. Return of the-MAC-FLY me to the moon
1. Down to-EARTH WIND & FIRE-starter.
Right, that’s it, I’m off before I get snowed in, better off at the pub than here I reckon. But fear not, I will be back tomorrow as I can ski in from where I live.
Snow Patrol was in full swing today as the sky filled with the white stuff. Thank you for all your help and support in letting us know how bad it was in your neck of the woods. Sadly for most of the kids it wasn’t bad enough for school to be cancelled, so I do apologise profusely.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank a very nice man, who has only just come into my life and it’s a match made in heaven, apart from he’s a Millwall fan and I’m West Ham. He really is a very decent chap and helped me out immensely on Friday night. I was doing my Ska and Reggae Extravaganza down at Utopia in Bank Street and I popped down in the day to ask him if it would be alright if we could put out some buckets to raise fun for my little friend Sophie who is very poorly and we want to send to her to Disneyland Paris. He said no problem and off I went to get myself ready for the big night out. Anyway, when I got back he had decided to hang up a load of posters and signs charging everyone a quid, bless him. He also went round collecting and managed to accumulate three hundred and sixty spondulies. Thank you to everyone that dipped their hand in and rest assured that it will all go to giving Sophie the most amazing trip of her short lifetime. I have also had donations from The Lion Club and The Winkle Club and an anonymous (well I do know him, but he doesn’t want publicity) donation of £300, amazing. Sophie has been poorly since she was 3 years old and we want to send her over there on her birthday. She suffers from a rare disease that affects the lungs called Bronchectisis and sadly will not live a full life. So you can help, please by popping into our reception to make a donation or the following pubs, Utopia, The George, The Albion or the three that we are visiting on the Fun Walk itself. They are The Singleton Barn, The Swan in Great Chart or The New Chimneys. We will leave the barn at mid-day on Saturday 4th (this Saturday) have a gentle stroll to the others and then back to The Barn for some entertainment and the grand raffle draw. If you can’t make the walk, then please do offer up whatever you can, every penny counts.
Another wonderful Dusty’s night was had by all and a big thanks to The William Harvey pub for giving me the opportunity to widen my horizons and take the beautiful music to the beautiful people of Willesborough.
So that was my weekend, pretty full on I’m sure you will agree, but all a labour of love. Kirstyn on the other hand was being pretty secretive about hers, so I have nothing to report, although she seems very happy.
So make sure you tune in tomorrow morning as we they reckon the snow might just visit us with a vengeance and we will keep you right up to date with all the school closures and travel problems.
I’ve got that feeling, that tingling feeling that you used to have at school when it was Friday. It’s difficult to explain, but I reckon you probably know exactly what I mean. I’m still a big kid at heart although my exterior might belie that fact. When Friday comes our thoughts turn to all the wonderful things we are going to cram in to the short sharp burst of weekend wonderment. I will be out and about with my disco and I would love every single one of you to join me at one of the events if not both, but more of that later.
In my first hour I thought I’d try out a little experiment on you, I was a tad concerned that it could possibly backfire on me, but you didn’t let me down. So basically, without knowing what you were going in for, I asked you to simply text me ‘Webbo, I’m in’ and then leave your name. It could have been anything from; I’m in trouble’ to ‘I’m in the competition’ and in fairness, I didn’t know either. You texted in your droves, that’s if 23 texts is droves of course. Especially as it’s very early and you are all just getting ready for your day, perhaps it’s the feel good Friday factor, I just don’t know, but what I do know is it worked. At the eleventh hour I came up with a little prize and got me old mate Redders to pick a number between 1 and 23, just to keep it all above board. He chose number 16 and it was Andrea, who couldn’t have been happier with the win. Because of her efforts, she walks away with, not just next years Stanhope calendar, but next years SIGNED Stanhope calendar. That’s right, you heard me, as Kirstyn and I feature in the December picture, we have put our monikers on it to add to its worth. Of course, this was all very tongue in cheek, but you would have thought that Andrea had won a holiday in the Caribbean, bizarre, but that’s why I love you lot.
Not happy with giving away a Stanhope calendar, we thought we’d also give away 40 quids worth of grub at The American Diner and some tickets to Cineworld, cushty. The lucky recipient of that was a bloke called Andy, and let’s face it, that will come in Andy.
So as we disappear off to our own respective weekends, It would be remiss of me not to let you know that my dear friend and sometimes enemy Kirstyn Read will be back here at 7 o’ clock for her non award winning award winning Essential Eighties Show and tonight as a special treat, she be playing 3 tracks from The Boss himself, Mr Bruce Springstein. His incredible album ‘Born in the USA’ which is legendary, will feature at about 9.45, you’d be crazy to miss it. Crazy that is, unless you are joining me at Utopia at the bottom of Bank Street where I’m doing my Ska and Reggae extravaganza. I’ll be hitting the decks at about 8.45 and if it’s half as good as the last time, we’re in for a great night.
Then Saturday I’m taking The Dusty’s Years Disco on the road, we’re not going far though, to Willesborough as it happens, namely The William Harvey pub from 7.45, so once again, I urge you to join me because I won’t let you down and I’ll have you dancing all night to the disco sounds of the 70’s and early 80’s.
Well what a stupid idea that was. I thought I’d stay up to watch the first day of The Ashes between Australia and England, that’s a cricket match if you don’t know. For me it’s quite exciting and really about the only cricket match that does entertain me. Sadly it was a bit of a disaster as they completely collapsed at the end of the day, that’ll learn me, I won’t be doing it again trust me, I’m cream crackered. The most knackering part of it, was trying to explain to Kirstyn the rules and regulations of cricket, it really knocked the wind out of me and don’t think I managed to recover frankly.
It’s Kentish Express Thursday and we love to celebrate when a new issue comes out. I won’t spoil it for you by giving snippets away, you’ll just have to go out and spend your money. But what I will say is that my column is taking you right back to the start, how it all began and how I ended up in my beloved Ashford. There is even a picture of me in my mum and dad’s old pub in Bermondsey. Its strange how I spent the formative years of my life in a pub and now it has come full circle.
Of course we merged again; it almost goes without saying really. It was all about ‘your weekly shopping list’ and pop songs.
10, SPAM-dau Ballet
9. OLD SPICE Girls
8. Hall and PORRIDGE Oats
7. SUGAR Hill Gang
6. RAZORS-Light
5. SOAP-ertramp
4. SALT and PEPPER
3. TOILET ROLL-ing Stones
2. The CE-REAL Thing
1. Simply BREAD
The hunt is still on to track down Rolf Harris, so if anyone out there knows him, please do get in touch, or Rolf, or Mr. Harris I should say, if you are reading this personally, come on, give us a bell.
You won’t find a bigger patriot or royalist than me and I support them in everything they do, but up until today I couldn’t really get that excited about the forthcoming nuptials of Prince William and his bride to be Kate Middleton. That was up until I found out that we are all getting a day off to celebrate and now I’m waving the flag with gusto. And it’s a Friday, what a laugh! So April 29th 2011 is now etched in my memory and I can’t thank them enough for giving us a nice long weekend. I don’t suppose I’ll be glued to the TV indoors, but I reckon that our local hostelries should show it live and we can all watch it from a pub with a pint in hand. After missing out in the summer with England’s humiliating exit from The World Cup, it would be nice to have something to cheer about.
Now if you read my last column in the KE, you will know that I wrote about The Christmas Light Turn On past and present. I took you back to the seventies when I used to stand in Town watching a production line of stars turning on the illuminations, joyous occasions. The one that really stuck in my head was when the legend Rolf Harris turned up to entertain the throng of eager fans. After a song and a dance he then got to work painting a giant canvas with his customary sweeping strokes and for twenty minutes it just looked like a blob of nothingness. Then to our amazement, after five or six more swishes of his magical brush, it turned into an incredible picture. The story as far as I was concerned was incomplete, because I couldn’t for the life of me remember what the final picture was and I asked for your help. Well, you didn’t let me down, bless you. Actually bless Georgina who got in touch to say that she owns the portrait and is hanging in her son’s bedroom right now. So after speaking to Georgina herself and my editor, we will run a little story on it next week. But my goal now is to try to get hold of the man himself, Rolf and see if we can get him down to pose next to it and get him on the radio of course. He could bring his wobbleboard and his didgereedoo and now I think of it, his stylophone and give us a rendition of Jake the Peg and Two Little Boys now that would be a coo.
So back to the top item, and the imminent Royal wedding, it would have been remiss of me not to give it the attention it deserved and my merge was built around it. So your clue to kick you off was Frieda Payne’s ‘Band of Gold’. Sadly nobody picked up on it, of course it’s ‘anything to do with weddings’ and pop songs.
10. Church of the poison mind (Culture Club)
9. Stand by your man (Tammy Wynette)
8. HEN-Night to remember (Shalamar)
7. BRIDES-MAID in England
6. I do I do I do (ABBA)
5. G-ROOM in your heart (Living in a Box)
4. Dance with my Father-OF THE BRIDE again (Luther Vandross)
3. Under the HONEY-Moon of love (Showaddywaddy)
2. Simplt the best-MAN (Tina Turner)
1. STAG DO do do, de da da da (The Police)
So I kicked off the show with a brand spanking new feature, called, actually I don’t have a name for it yet, but I love it. Unfortunately my co-host had a bit of trouble getting her pretty head around it, but no surprise there eh? Because of my current obsession with ‘I’m a Celebrity’ I thought I’d try a different method of introducing it in to the conversation. So I simply said “The answer is Gillian McKeith, but what is the question?” I wouldn’t say it caught on that well as it goes, in fact only Sheila from Hamstreet rang in, but I enjoyed it. We settled on, “Who is the most detested contestant ever to appear on the programme?” bit harsh I felt, but you get the gist. Sadly, Kirstyn couldn’t quite get her head around the whole concept, but that made it funnier. So if I do it again, I might localise it up a bit, like the answer is The Ben Truman, but what is the question? The question could be, what was The Benz public house on Stanhope originally called? See what I mean? So if you have any for me, please send them through to my personal e mail address www.jwebster@kmfm.co.uk
So, also I had to fit the Tuesday merge in the first hour, so as you can imagine, it was quite busy. Today I went for ‘solo artists’ and ‘pop songs’ and I started you off with ‘Crazy Little STING Called Love’.
10. Amy Whine-HOUSE OF FUN
9. Billy OCEAN DRIVE
8. THE Stevie WONDER OF YOU
7. Justin Beiber LAS VEGAS
6. Al GREEN GREEN GRASS OF HOME
5. Roy Orbi-SON OF A PREACHER MAN
4. Kid ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK
3. Ozzy Os-BORN IN THE USA
2. LOVE SHAK-ira
And a very special mention to Clare from Stanhope, who, on her very first attempt, absolutely nailed it and deserves the top spot with
1.Midge URE THE ONE THAT I WANT
The Monday Morning Surgery was in full flow as I answered your gripes and groans, your mopes and moans and eradicated your Monday morning blues.
I don’t know about you, but did you not think that people were behaving strangely, not in a bad way, but just a bit quirky. It all made complete sense when I looked up into the dark sky on my way to work to see a gigantic full moon lighting my way. The full moon is renowned for making peoples moods a bit odd, particularly kids and animals.
Having said that, you were all impeccably behaved on Saturday as we hosted the Family Fun Day and Christmas light switch on. It was truly a memorable occasion and I we couldn’t have wished for a better day. The weather was also on our side so the stars must have been in line. It took me back to the glory years of the 70’s when I was a kid and the magic of Christmas still burnt inside. Honestly, you turned out in your droves to support the event and give our talent much encouragement. And the entertainment was relentless; almost none stop as we built towards the 4.30 switch on. The Mayor turned up with Dave Lee and the star of the show Megan, who was the winner of this years Child of Courage who had earned the honour of hitting the plunger and illuminating the town. The most remarkable thing of the whole day though, has to be the fact that Kirstyn and I spent 4 and a half hours in close proximity, without a crossed word, now that is a record!
The ever popular ‘right result service’ kicked in again as you inundated us with your weekend highlights. But my own personal highlight has to be when Kirstyn read out a result as follows, “Congratulations to Ashford Borough, who managed to beat Deal one all”. She didn’t realise for quite a while and felt obliged to out her glaring error. But perhaps I should have left it there instead of asking her who were the scorers in the nil nil draw that she read out next, bless her.
More shock and horror as Kirstyn decided to take the side of a, wait for it…. A man, I know, what’s going on, it must be something to do with the full moon. Basically, the bloke who scooped the Euro Lotto jackpot of 56 million, has had to give his ex wife 2 million pounds. Now I felt convinced that Kirst would start babbling on about how she deserves more, but she actually went the other way. In fairness, she did leave HIM for another man 10 years ago, so it does seem a bit harsh. I’m sure he would have taken care of the daughter that they share, but why should she get a penny after deserting him?
Well I’ll be a monkeys Uncle, that has to be one of the busiest shows that I have ever been involved in. It was all going on, stuff was hitting the fan left, right and centre. There was no let up as the phones remained lit for almost the entire four hours, but we love it. Friday’s do tend to be the busiest of the week, because it not just birthdays for today, you want them for everyone over the weekend as well. Add to that, one of our most popular competitions of all time AND the fact that today is Children in Need day.
Many congratulations to Kerry for guessing that the film clip was indeed Harry Potter, which means she wins four tickets to Cineworld and £40 to spend at The American Diner at Bybrook Barn.
So after nine I disappeared from the warm and cosy environment of the studio and went in search of you lot doing your crazy and whacky fund raising events. C in N always captures the nations imagination and as I wandered through Town, almost everywhere you looked somebody was doing something Pudsey-ish, so well done to all of you. Sadly I only had enough time to pop in to visit three venues. First off it was Kent House to visit the Eurostar call centre where they were doing everything from an auction including Eastenders and Coronation Street signed merchandise, an ‘old fashioned tuck shop’, stand up bingo etc etc. Then I shot down to The Special Orthodontist in New Rents, where I was treated to a very warm reception from the lovely ladies with really nice teeth, who were ironically selling cakes. Of course I was under strict instructions to make sure I brought plenty back for my colleague.
Then it was off to Bronzone which was a very special treat, the receptionist there looked like a model and was lovely with it, anyway enough about Hayley. Some absolute nutter, in the nicest possible way of course, decided that he would shave off all of the hair on his body??????
I did request that if anyone out there was doing the old favourite sit in a bath of beans, then I would quite happily join them, fortunately nobody was so I think I got away with that one.
So just in case you’ve not been paying attention, don’t forget that Kirstyn and I are at the bandstand tomorrow for the Family Fun Day and Christmas Light Switch On. We are there from 11 o’clock until 4.30 and we are full to the brim with entertainment, so come down and say hi. If anyone lasts the whole five and a half hours, then I reckon I’ll sort out a special treat for them.
Yes indeed, it’s Kentish Express Thursday and we love it. Especially when I see on the front page that they are advertising my brand new column and I couldn’t be prouder. Even if you buy it just for the horrendous picture of me from 1976, check out that haircut.
I’ve managed to sneak in at the opening of the new Heart Foundation shop, plus there is another one of myself and Kirstyn Read advertising this Saturdays Christmas light switch on and family fun day. Not bad, so add that to the picture above my column and the ‘dodgy haircut’ picture and that’s five. At this rate I will beat the right honourable Damian Green MP hands down in our ‘see how many times we get in the paper’ competition’, he’s miles behind.
Today’s merge was obviously a tricky one. My favourite programme on the gogglebox over recent years has been ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here’ and this years is better than ever. So I thought I’d pay homage to it by merging anything to do with The Jungle and pop songs.
10. ANT & Dec MUSIC
9. MAKING PLANS FOR NIGEL Havers
8. Gnats THE WAY I LIKE IT
7. CROCODLE penis ROCK
6. Snake RATTLE and ROLL
5. Camp-FIRE STARTER
4. Rope-BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS
3. IF YOU leech ME NOW
2. EVERY WHICH-ety grub WAY BUT LOOSE
1. NUT-BUSH-tucker trial CITY LIMITS
If you fancy supporting Children in Need as well as supporting Razor Ruddock, Gills captain Barry Fuller and I, then why don’t you pop over to the North School playing field at 3.30 this afternoon where we will be officiating a game of football between the under 16’s team and The Academy team. We will be more than happy to have abuse shouted at us, as long as you keep it expletive free and clean, because it’s all in the name of charity. Tomorrow I’ll be having a roam around the Town in search of people going crazy things for Children in Need, so if you are up to anything, drop me a line and if a can get there, I will.
Look, don’t get me wrong, I am without doubt a true patriot and royalist, I love my country and everything it stands for. I think the royals do take a lot of unfair stick, it something we should hold dear in my eyes and give them the respect they deserve. Having said that, you won’t find me getting all overexcited about the imminent ‘royal wedding’. I must hasten to add that I think William and his bride-to-be will represent our country with a new style and panache and think they usurp Charles as King and go straight to William. But it’s Kirstyn who shocks me, she is the flip side, I wouldn’t say she anti-royalist, but she’s not a fan. However, she couldn’t be more excited about the wedding, bizarre! “I wonder what she’ll wear, did you see her ring, oh they look so happy?” Blooming heck, get over it, how can you get excited about a wedding when you don’t even know who the people are. We’ve all had to do that one, well I have. You get invited to a wedding via your wife/partner to a ceremony of two people you have never met in your life and stand in a church with a load of flipping strangers. The other thing I’ll never get, is women, not even invited to the do, stand outside the church to take pictures and throw confetti, sorry I just don’t get it.
My apologies once again my dear friends as I’m bailing out early. Firstly it’s over to The Willow Centre off of Brookfield Road where I’m starting a pirate fancy dress sponsored walk for Children in Need, courtesy of Surestart. Then I’m off to our last meeting about the Christmas light switch on, just crossing the I’s and dotting the t’s really. So farewell for now, have a great day and oh, don’t forget to pop down to North School tomorrow at 3.30, where there will be a charity footy match that I’m refereeing. Turns out my linesmen will be Razor Ruddock and Gills captain Barry Fuller and it’s all for Children in Need.
Tuesday is merging day as far as I’m concerned, so you’d think after nearly three years of dong the merging game, I’d remember to get one prepared for you, you’d think. Stupidly, I completely forgot so I spent the first thirty minutes of my show frantically wracking my brains to come up with one. Fortunately, I managed to drag one out at the eleventh hour. It wasn’t one of the best I’ve come up with, but it sufficed. As it was such a cold morning and the weather I had to read out was full of certain conditions, I thought we’d merge them with pop songs. Your clue was the Bad Manners song ‘Lorraine’ and as you can see ‘rain’ is hidden in there.
10. FO-r-G-et me not’s (Patrice Rushden)
9. SNOW more lonely nights (Cliff)
8. WINDY beneath my wings (Bet Midler)
7. Grease LIGHTENING (Travolta)
6. DEW to me are everything (The Real Thing)
5. Let’s TWISTER again (chubby Checker)
4. MIST again (Phil Collins)
3. You can’t HURRICAN love (Phil Collins)
2. THUNDER the moon of love (Showaddywaddy)
1. It aint over til it’s OVER-CAST (Lenny Kravitz)
So there I was, talking about tomorrows sponsored ‘dress up as a pirate’ walk by Surestart in aid of Children in Need as was wondering if Kirstyn had an eye patch or a hook that I could borrow. The reason I asked was twofold, one because I didn’t want to turn up completely in my civvies and two, because she is always banging on about her pirate connections. By all accounts, her name which is spelt READ, originates from the pirate age. Well, she didn’t blooming have one but Barry who was listening, bless him, dropped one in for me. You really are a good bunch!
Now, I have to crack on with my column for the KE as we are having a bit of a shake up. It will now be called ‘Backtrack with Webbo’ and will incorporate my memories of old Ashford. The reason I’m telling you is because I’m going to meet my Mum who has loads of old photographs that we are going to print, so you get the gist of my age at the time of the era I’m talking about, clever eh?
What a weekend that was, look I know it’s not all about Kirstyn and I, but let me fill you in on our incredibly diverse time apart. First off on Friday I took part in the Stuart White Memorial match at Homelands. We had been really worried that the weather would once again play a part and it would yet again get called off. Honestly, at one stage the rain was coming down horizontally. But you still turned up in your droves, bless you. If you need reminding, it was a game between an Ashford and Welling elite teams (basically old blokes) because Stuart had turned out for both teams. It was quite an entertaining match with plenty of goals, in fact 9 in total. By the time I eventually came on in the second half, Ashford were leading 5-1 and I somehow managed to make a game of it because Welling ended up coming back to 5-4 which is how it finished, but none of the goals were my fault, honest. The night was finished off with a band called Revolution who sang their hearts out and after all the gate money, programme sales and raffle were all totalled up, we had a grand sum of £1, 300 which is no mean feat.
My Saturday night was doing my Dusty’s Disco at The George and I must admit, I was a little concerned that the numbers would be slightly diminished for a couple of reasons. A few of my ‘regulars’ had made to pilgrimage to witness the Rye fireworks night which apparently is legendary. It’s the first I’d heard of it, but apart from that there was also the boxing that I thought might keep a few of you indoors. Add to that the atrocious weather and surely you can understand my concern. As it turns out, I didn’t need to worry as you once again never let me down, the power of the Dusty’s music was just too much for you to ignore and we had one of our best nights ever. Don’t forget we will be having our Christmas Disco down there the Saturday before the big day, which is the 18th, it’s going to be immense.
So, over to Kirstyn’s weekend and she truly is a creature of simple comforts. When I enquired as to how it went, she was clearly quite excited by her exploits. After digging a bit deeper, it turned out that she’d had a really nice pizza on Friday and went out for some Mexican fajitas on Saturday! So basically, she had a great weekend eating food.
Of course we discussed the weekend’s television which was also very exciting. I have to own up to now being a big fan of The Cube with Phillip Schoffield, and blame Kirst for getting me addicted to that. Then The X Factor was a must, not because it was results night, but because they had boy band night and we were treated to, not just JLS and Westliffe, but the first live outing of Take That and Robbie, together again for the first tine in fifteen years. I have to say, I wasn’t overly impressed and thought Robbie looked as if he was on another planet. Then it was the first show of my favourite ‘celeb’ reality show ‘Get me out of here’. I adore Ant and Dec and think that there commentary of the series makes it. I love The Happy Mondays front man Shaun Ryder and think he could go a long way. I quite enjoyed Nigel Havers, Linford Christie will last well, Britt Ekland seemed very nice, but I have to say, my tip to win it has to be Stacey Solomon. She’s just really nice and normal and natural, where as on the flip side of that is Gillian McKeith, what a pain in the backside she is already. Why on earth would somebody with a phobia of insects go on to a programme like that? It’s like having a Chris Tarrant phobia and going on Millionaire.
Stand by your beds everyone, we’re in for a heck of a weekend and I hope you are ready for it!
By the way, the Free Movie Friday competition is a right old winner. Loads of you got in touch this morning and who can blame you. It’s not just free tickets, which is still pretty good; it’s also 40 quid to spend at The American Diner at Bybrook Barn. You obviously love your grub and a good flick. Kirstyn and I were at loggerheads (again) over the clip she picked, which I didn’t know, mainly because I hadn’t seen the film. The problem was that I thought we should give a clue out just in case, like me, you hadn’t seen the film but still wanted to play along. You see it’s like a question; it’s only easy if you know the answer. Anyway, she agreed to give out a little clue to keep me happy and the phone’s lit up, UP being the operative word as that was the film in question. Absolutely everyone got it correct, apart from one lady who went for Scooby Doo. But fear not my friends, if you weren’t today’s winner (well done Ginnie) then we are running this every Friday up until Christmas.
Anyway, back to this weekend’s action and for me it starts tonight. I’m over at Homelands for a game of football, the Stuart White Memorial Match to be precise. Kick off is at 7.00pm and we will party in to the early hours to the music of local band Revolution and all for just 5 English pounds. Of course if you can’t be bothered to come out, it’s ok, I’ll understand, eventually, then you can listen to Kirstyn Read’s Essential Eighties from 7 til 11, blah blah blah. She’s not just playing songs from this weeks album of the decade, oh no (by the way it’s Dire Straights ‘Brothers In Arms) she’s also giving you, yes you the chance to win a cd called 101 Eighties Anthems which consists of 5 cd’s.
Then tomorrow it’s back, yes, back to where it all began and the boys are back in Town. My dear friend Gary Moore, Mooro, MC Gazza or whatever you want to call him, and I, will be down The George rocking your little socks off to the music of my youth. The Dusty’s Disco is growing in stature and I recommend that you get there early to avoid disappointment and miss out on a spot on the dance floor.
We will of course be here from 6 o’clock on Monday as ever, well I will, Kirst joins me after 7, tell all your friends, the more of you there are, the less chance of them getting rid of us.
Baton down the hatches everyone, it’s a windy one and no, I don’t mean Kirstyn. There are gale force winds blowing in and the rain is lashing it down, of course that affects the traffic which has been absolutely awful, particularly that dammed Matalan roundabout, don’t start me off.
My ribbon cutting skills will once again be called in to action this morning as I make the short journey down to the new premises of The British Heart Foundation Charity Shop. It’s picked itself up from the bottom of the High Street and trundled up the road to New Rents, just before Argos on the left hand side. I popped down there to see the lovely Tina and find out what my responsibilities are for the official opening, which as it turns out are simply cut the ribbon and smile for the camera. I reckon even I can carry out those instructions accordingly. All I can hope for is a good crowd and a sharp pair of scissors. As it happens, I did ask them for the giant comedy scissors, but we weren’t sure where to get them from.
I’m a very happy boy today as I now have a megaphone again. If you didn’t already know, I managed to lose my last one on the Heather Wynter Cycle for Life and I’ve been bereft ever since. Fortunately the lovely Megan Nye from The Iron Fist Gym heard my pleas for a new one and donated hers, bless her and for her kindness we have rewarded her by calling the new loudhaler a Megan-Phone in her honour. It’s had a few airings already, plus it has a siren on it which is the new signal for when we do the ‘Fun Club’.
It’s Kentish Express Thursday and once again it’s absolutely choca-block full of local stories and the most fantastic pictures by our award winning ‘snappers’
As I sit here in the office, an old gag popped in to my head that I thought I’d try out on Kirstyn as I knew she wouldn’t get it, fortunately the whole office joined in and did get the joke. I asked her if she knew how many floors Charterhouse has. She guessed at twenty and I told her it was actually 25, it should have been 26 but that’s another story, boom boom. You could hear the tumbleweed skipping through the office.
Today’s merge was ‘pop GROUPS’ and pop songs and without further ado, here you have the top ten.
10. Lily the PINK FLOYD
9. Go West-liffe on Mars
8. McFly-ing without wings
7. Back to BLACK Sabbath
6. Green DAY dream believer
5. Spice GIRLS just wana have fun
4. Lady in SIMPLY red-red wine
3. One way or ANOTHER-level 42
2. Take THAT’ll be the day
I just never know what I’m going to get when Kirstyn Read, my esteemed colleague, turns up for work. I’m generally on fire first thing in the morning; it’s my favourite time of the day. Kirst on the other hand is a self confessed lover of her bed and doesn’t take too well to getting up early. Plus she has, in fairness to her, a nine year old she has to get up and get ready for school. I don’t have that problem, so I get up and spend the first hour of the morning preparing myself for work. I get in to work at about 5.30 ready to hit the ground running and I love the first hour on my own with the www club (that’s Wake up With Webbo club). I get the merge done and dusted by the time she arrives and then we crack on with it. Today, she turned up in a reasonably good frame of mind, although she was a bit random and launched in to the dream she’d had last night. By the end of the opening gambit, I was completely confused and baffled, she went in to great detail about the dream which involved me as well as several other friends of hers, and culminated in Brendan Cole (you know, the bloke from ‘Strictly’ who comes from New Zealand and talks through his nose) doing a dance for her, topless. She’s SO random!!!
More random Kirstyn-ism’s, apparently, if your eyes are too close together you’re more likely to be a gangster.
Also, it would turn out that she is a bit of a ‘maverick’ when it comes to radio presenting. She gave neither rhyme nor reason for this little snippet of information, or give us an example of her ‘maverickism’, but I could see from her eyes, it wasn’t a time to question it.
Heads up for tomorrow’s KE fun club, we’re giving away free Panto tickets as well as some interactive dinosaur robots, if you are not in the fun club, what’s up with you. Drop them a line and get yourself on the list, there are so many freebies its crazy.
Right, back to my first hour and today we simply merged together pop songs, done it before, but there are so many we’re bound to find some new ones. I got the inspiration from our first three songs which were; Alexandre Burkes Bad Boys which became ‘Bad BOYS are back in Town’. Do you see what I’ve done there, take one word that is a common denominator and stick another song on the back of it, or the front. So, next was U2 and we got ‘It’s a beautiful DAY dream believer’ and The Wanted’s new song Heart Vacancy became ‘Don’t go breaking my HEART vacancy’, over to you lot.
10. Rule the WORLD in motion
9. Our HOUSE of the rising sun
8. A star is BORN in the USA
7. Golden BROWN sugar
6. You can’t hurry LOVE in an elevator
5. The world in LOCO motion
4. California GIRLS just wana have fun
3. Heartbreak HOTEL California DREAMING
2. Always look on the bright side of LIFE is minestrone
1. Down DOWN in a tube station at MIDNIGHT train to GEORGIA on my mind (I think you’ll find there are four in there)
No messing about, lets get straight in to the merge. But credit where credit is due first, because this particular merge is a bit of a landmark. Regular player ‘Mad Ange; who has already had two ‘on air’ merges finally completed her hat-trick today with her ‘things you will find in the office’ and pop songs and your starter for ten was Blondie’s ‘Hanging on the telephone’. Actually, while I think of it, there were more ‘wooden spoon’ attempts than goodies so I don’t know if today warrants a top ten. Brad’s brother Budha from Biffa didn’t just settle for one bad effort, he thought he’d go for three, which were Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5 (I see the connection with office but where is the merge?). Then he went for The Jam’s ‘Eaton Files’ followed by ‘The Only Way is CUP’, honestly, I ask you. Vic from High Halden said Roy Orbison’s ‘Pretty Woman@ because offices usually have pretty women in the office??? And Sharon went for Kings of Leon’s ‘SECS on Fire’, the secs bit is short for secretary, perhaps it was just an off day. Val went for The Doors ‘Come on baby light my fire hydrant and Tania with UB40’s ‘swivel chair-eo baby’.
A couple of notable offerings have to be The Beatles classic ‘Paper-back TYPE writer’, Needles and PENS, FILING without wings and FAX the way I like it.
It looks as if we are running out of spaces for the big Christmas light turn on, so if you wish to take part in the ceremony then you had better drop us a line as soon as possible. We have choirs, dance troupes, Showbiz Academys, a Karate exhibition and even a magician. It’s going to be very diverse so if you think you can help add to the atmosphere, then come along and either enjoy the day, or put on a turn for us.
Here is another heads up for you, do you remember a while back we were going to have a football match in memory of Stuart White who was sadly tragically killed long before his time. Well, we have now rearranged it and it’s happening this Friday at Homelands. Kick off is at 7 o’clock and the gates will be open nice and early. It’s just £5 to get in and for that money you will be entertained at the post match party by local band Revolution who play rock/pop covers, it’s an absolute bargain and the monies raised will go to two charities chosen by Stuart’s widow, which are Breast Cancer Care and The Kasisi Orphanage in South Africa where Stuart worked.
The Monday Morning Surgery was of course open for business and once again there wasn’t any sign of a gripe or a groan, a mope or indeed a moan, you were all just celebrating life itself.
I hope your weekend was as wonderful as mine, I spent Saturday night doing my disco as we celebrated the nuptials of Marc and his beautiful blushing bride Jackie, or Mrs Terry as she is now referred to. She looked absolutely stunning and so did Marc as it happens. It’s always a very poignant moment when we put on the first dace record, you really don’t want to get it wrong. I have to say, it nearly caused their first row as Mr and Mrs, but we finally agreed on Heatwaves ‘Always and Forever’, an absolute classic.
Sadly I missed out on bonfire night because of work commitments but my family had a great time at Smeeth School where the fireworks really took off (you see what I’ve done there?).
The right result service was also in full flow as the District did us proud. But I do have to mention what happened down at The Priestfield where Gillingham to on Dover Athletic in the first round proper of the FA Cup. I have to admit that my allegiances were rather torn as my son Charlie plays for The Gills under 15’s team. But I do like an underdog and also young Tom Wynter of the immense Wynter clan was playing for Dover and I reckon his friends and family made up half of the two and a half thousand Dover supporters that made the short journey up the M2. Many congratulations to Dover for upsetting the applecart and pulling of a giant killing, winning 2-0 and as a result now have a home draw in the next round against, probably, Brentford.
I’d also like to give little Hythe Town a mention as they travelled to Hereford and were in the first round for the first time in their history (I think). By all accounts they put up a brave performance, but went down 5-1. The one they got though was scored by a local lad by the name of Gary Mickleborough, who I happen to know, and I’m sure his parents Rhonda and Linden must be feeling very proud.
If you read this on a regular basis, then please do drop me a line as I would love to get some feedback, e mail me on www.jwebster@kmfm.co.uk Also, keep an eye on my column in the Kentish Express, out every Thursday, because ‘Webbo’s World’ is having a bit of a make-over. The most reaction I get for my column is when I talk about ‘old’ Ashford and the bygone years. So my editor Sir Robert Barman has suggested that we call it something like ‘Webbo’s Backtrack’. It’s got a ring to it don’t you think? There will also be new graphics, hopefully a new picture that doesn’t make me look SO smug and there will also be an old childhood picture to put it all into context of the year I will be discussing. So have a read and let me know what you think, I love feedback, good or bad.
Please do remember the 5th of November, light up the skies with Standard fireworks (other brands of fireworks are available). Anyone over forty will remember that little ditty that we all used to sing along to. Yes folks, it’s bonfire night, how exciting for all the little kids and of course all the big kids. Please have a great night, but also please do take care. There are so many organised events taking place over the next two or even three nights, and I recommend you go to one of them, if not and you are doing one yourself, then just follow all the guidelines. To celebrate the event, I thought I’d do a Friday merge to get us in the mood, so ‘anything associated with bonfire night’ and pop songs.
10. I’m a firestarter (The Prodigy)
9. My latest flame (Elvis)
8. Whistle while you FIRE-work (The Seven Dwarfs)
7. Funeral Pyre-otechnics (The Jam)
6. S-park-LER life (Blur)
5. Re-light my BON-fire
4. I Catherine-WHEEL survive (Gloria Gaynor)
And an Elton John hat-trick with
3, ROCKET man
2. Song for GUY
1. ROMAN CANDLE in the wind.
And a special mention for the classic Beatles track Penny ‘for the guy’ Lane.
Sorry, got to keep it short, off to yet another meeting, this time Maidstone. I know you think we just throw this all together but trust me, we have meetings to decide when we should have a meeting.
Have a wonderful weekend.
As it’s ‘Kentish Express Thursday’ I thought I’d pay homage by coming up with our very own newspaper headline.
‘kmfm breakfast show comes to a halt as presenter has sneezing fit’. That’s right folks, we were halfway through the 7.15 traffic bulletin, when Kirstyn launched in to about fifteen back to back atishoo’s and we ground to a halt. Ok, its not going to make the front page of any paper (apart from ‘sneeze weekly’ perhaps) but it was quite a momentous moment.
Quick heads up everyone, tomorrow we launch our ‘Free Movie Friday’ when you have the chance to win a) free movie tickets to Cineworld in Ashford and £40 worth of free grub at The American Diner at Bybrook Barn. All you have to do is identify a movie clip, simple as. Then you enter your name and details and hope for the best, so make sure you are listening.
So Kirstyn, who loves her surveys found another interesting one today that claims that over 2 million men said they thought that Dawn French was more beautiful than Angelina Jolie. Now I kind of see that, Dawn IS beautiful in and out as well as being extremely funny which is also a beautiful thing. But of course I also see the beauty in Anj. Kirstyn took it a step further and said if they were both in a pub/club and both of them were giving me the ‘glad eye’ which one would I go for? After much thought I went for Anj, but was then accused of being fickle, which frankly was a tad harsh. So I reversed the situation and said what about if she was in a club and had the same scenario with Robbie Coltrane (who she thinks is great by the way) and Johnny Depp. Well, that stumped her, the bottom line being we are all a bit fickle deep down. Having said that, I’d rather marry Dawn French, she’d be much more fun all round.
The merge today is anything to do with ‘cars’ and pop songs and your starter for 10 was Madness’ ‘I like Driving In My Car’.
10. 2-4-6-8 Motorway (Tom Robinson)
9. Automatic (Pointer Sisters)
8. Pull up to the bumper baby (Grace Jones)
7. Return to Fender (Elvis)
6. Relight my Tyre (Take That)
5. I want to Brake free (Queen)
4. Too Clutch too young (Specials)
3. Wheel gone kid (Deacon Blue)
2. Flying without wing-mirrors (Westliffe)
1. You are the wind beneath my windscreen (Bet Midler)
I will be doing a special 5th of November merge tomorrow so I’m sure you can work out roughly what it’s going to be all about.
Some interesting news came through this morning about the KM Groups Christmas party that we will be holding at Hustle (that’s a bonus as it could have literally been anywhere in the blooming County as we are spread right across Kent). I have been asked to do my Dusty’s Disco in front on my peers and colleagues, bit nerve wracking. I wonder if they know what they’re in for (probably not come to think about it, otherwise they would have found somebody else).
I don’t know what on earth my co-hostess with the mostess was up to this morning, but she bought me a present. Now call me suspicious if you want to, but when somebody buys me a present for no apparent reason, it worries me. Having said that, its always exciting getting a present and she decided that she wanted to do it on air, I suppose to achieve the maximum reaction, thus creating radio gold. I don’t mean to be rude, I never intentionally do, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment when she handed me a Jeremy Kyle book, yes a blooming Jeremy Kyle. I have to admit, I have sneaked in a bit of The Jeremy Kyle (behind closed curtains of course), but I wouldn’t say I cared for him or his show (although he is a West Ham fan). Having said that, she did pre-empt the present with saying that she and her ‘best friend’ Clare wanted to borrow it, so I don’t feel so bad.
Right, onto the merge and today we stuck with jobs and merged it with films. My examples were; The POSTMAN always rings twice, TAXI DRIVER and DOCTOR Zhivago. I thought I had it in the bag with a two jobs in one song, that is until flipping Benno popped up at the eleventh hour to win the game, blast him. Here is the top ten.
10. Live and let DIETICIAN
9. LANDLORD of the rings
8. Kill BUILDER
7. BUTCHER Cassidy and the sundance kid
6. Burke and Hare-DRESSER
5. Mrs Doubt-FIREMEN
4. Gorillas in the CHE-MIST
3. Brave-HEART SURGEON
2. 3 POST-Men and a little LOLLIPOP-LADY
1. 4 WEDDING-PLANNERS and a FUNERAL-DIRECTOR
Right, I’m off for a meeting with Ashford Town Partnerships about the Christmas light turn on in Ashford that Kirstyn and I are doing with members of the Marlowe Theatre pantomime and loads and loads of entertainment. Put it in your diary, 20th November, it’s going to be a right old knees up.
Blooming heck, its bonfire fever over here in Ashford, Tenterden and our beautiful surrounding areas and I will give you a definitive update as and when they are happening, so do watch this space. If you play your cards right, then you can see a fireworks display Thursday through until Sunday.
The merge is back, but before I get into all that I need to just point something out. I was kind of told off by a couple of listeners for not letting Kirstyn play along and there are two very good reasons for this. REASON ONE: She told me in no uncertain terms, that I was to finish off the game before she turns up after 7, so that’s what I do, wrap it up after the first record after the news (remember, these are her instructions). REASON TWO: She is completely rubbish at it, and nearly always gets the game wrong and the proof was once again in the pudding yet again today. The merge was POP ARTISTS and JOBS and I gave you two starters, which were Mike and the MECHANICS and DOCTOR and the MEDICS, my one outside the box was POST-Man-fred Man. Sadly, Kirst wasn’t really concentrating and came up with ‘There’s a rat in the kitchen-porter’. Now firstly, it’s rubbish and secondly that’s a POP SONG merged with a job. So do you see what I mean now? Here is your top ten.
10. The UNDER-tone-TAKERS
9. The DOG-WALKER brothers
8. The BLACK-Smiths
7, LADY Ga-Ga-RDENER
6. Ten-POLE DANCER Tudor
5. Cheryl Cole-MAN
4. Earth wind and Fire-MAN
3. Bonnie ROOF-Tyler
2. Iron BAR-MAID-en
1. And today for the first time ever a joint winner, ladies and gentlemen I give you Duran Dur-anthropologist and Adam and the Ant-hrowpologist.
The subject of my hair colour would seem to re-service approximately every three and a half weeks, and today it got yet another airing. It was my own fault to be honest, a friend I know turned 53 at the weekend and he looks really good on it I have to say. He shaves his head totally bald and it really works for him, so I suggested to Kirst that perhaps if I did the same, it would knock years off me. She found this to be very amusing, but said it would make my face look fatter and I shouldn’t bother, the cheek of it, but I think she might be right in fairness. It wasn’t that long ago that I used to peroxide it blonde and wear it spiky, I looked like a cheap imitation of Billy Idol. Back then it was more of a fashion thing as I hadn’t turned grey (or arctic blonde as I like to call it) back then. Sadly, when I decided to go back to natural, it had turned white and I panicked as I was only in my early thirties. I rang straight out and bought some Just For Men (there are other similar products available). My dear old Mum back in her day was a stunning red-head and I have always had a touch of red in me as well. What Just For Men does, is take you back to your natural colour and it sent me ginger, I did look odd. So I’ve learnt my lesson, never again, I’ll just have to let it go.
It was groundhog day in the kmfm studio today, as Kirstyn Read rested her dulcet tones in preparation for her Essential Eighties show tonight (from 7 til 11). So it was The Maisy and Daisy Show again. I must admit I did have to give them quite a shake to stir them from their slumber at 5.00am this morning. I did say that they could have a lie-in and pop up later but they were having none of it. I was absolutely ‘cream crackered’ myself yesterday and duly fell asleep on the sofa just after EastEnders. Daisy said my snoring was off the Richter Scale and they couldn’t concentrate on the ’homework’ I’d asked them to do. Bless their little cotton socks, they worked out their very own merging game and put themselves to bed while I continued piling up the Z’s. I hope you all enjoyed the last couple of days as much as the girls and I did.
I’m not going to do a top ten today, but I do have to mention one that stuck out head and shoulders above them all and it was from somebody who is a complete novice to the game, beginners luck? Only time will tell. Maisy thought it would be good to merge ‘things you will find in the kitchen’ and pop artistes. Maisy’s example was Katrina and the MICRO-waves and Daisy came up with Amy Wine-GLASS. But the winner by a country mile was Gary Kirton with BLENDER Carlisle, genius.
There are all manner of things occurring this weekend with the whole bonfire and Halloween season well and truly in full flow, so I hope you all have an incredible weekend and keep warm and safe whatever you’re getting up to. Maisy and Daisy have now left me and are heading off down to Woodchurch for the Rare Breeds Centre’s Halloween extravaganza. For the under 12’s it’s best to go during the day because they really up the ‘scary’ anti in the evenings. I’ve been there for the last four years and had an absolute whale of a time, even though they did single me out for some special scary treatment, much to the amusement of my warped family.
All sorts of music events happening over the weekend as well and you have a chance to see Ms Kirstyn Read doing her ‘disco thing’ as well as me. Tonight I’m taking The Dusty’s Years Disco on the road and we will be appearing at The Singleton Barn for it’s inaugural showing and I can’t wait. It’s nice to show it off to a different audience as well as the regular attendees. So I will hopefully see you down there, from 7.30ish til late-ish.
Then tomorrow night in The George, Kirstyn will be showing off her Essential Eighties Disco, so go and give her a go, so to speak.
The delightful and delectable Kirstyn Read off the radio and now of television stardom decided to take the day off and entertain a throng of her son Jack’s friends for his birthday. Bless her, I’ve just spoken to her and she is more stressed being off than she is when she’s working. Mind you, I can’t blame her; a load of nine year olds having an overnight does take its toll.
So I was left to my own devices, well kind of. I don’t mind doing the first hour on my own, but for three extra hours I’m not so sure. So I hired in some help to give me somebody to bounce off. And who better than my daughter Maisy and her best friend Daisy, or May-Day as they are collectively known. They’re old hands at this kind of thing now as they have filled the slot on quite a few occasions. They’re like a breath of fresh air and I love getting their opinions on everything from the state of the economy to who should take over from Fabio Cappello when he stands down as England manager. Their answers are always entertaining and when I asked them about the fact that the recession is now apparently over, I couldn’t help but belly laugh at their responses.
We had a plethora of callers asking them all sorts as our feature ‘out of the mouths of babes’ took off big style. They had their work cut out I have to say, I wasn’t going to let them off easy. They were doing the weather and the traffic and probably a lot better than me in fairness, as well as manning the phones.
It’s a very proud moment as a Dad being able to work alongside your offspring; she takes to it like a duck to water. It’s a bit like playing football in the same team with your son. I did manage to achieve it with my step-son for my Sunday morning team, but don’t think my legs will carry me long enough to hang on for my Charlie who is nearly 15. And by the way, he plays for Gillingham and is a much better standard than I ever was already, so that’s out the window.
After the incredible feedback that Kirstyn got yesterday for her appearance on The Weakest Link, it has made me even more determined to get on the gogglebox in my chosen field. I fancy Total Wipeout and I fancy it for a couple of reasons. One, I don’t have to answer questions and two; I get to go to Buenos Aires in Argentina, all expenses paid. Plus, it’s a twenty grand jackpot. Now don’t get me wrong, I like a bit of trivial general knowledge, I’m just not sure how I’d do under pressure, think I’d go blank. People have shown concern as to how strenuous the challenge is, but there is still life in the old dog yet.
It has to be said, we were completely dominated by one thing and one thing only today, The Weakest Link. If you have had your head in the sand for the last couple of months, you will be unaware that my dear friend and colleague Ms Kirstyn Read had been on the aforementioned programme and finally last night it was aired. She was a bit worried about letting on yesterday because she wasn’t exactly sure how she would be edited. But it would seem there was nothing to worry about as you rang in your droves to congratulate her. I’ll come back to that in a minute, but first let’s get the merge out of the way shall we.
It was another of Mad Ange’s merges today, she‘s on her way to a hat-trick ball, and it was ‘things you would find in your fridge’ and pop songs and her example being The Beatles classic Please Cheese Me.
10. things will only get BUTTER
9. single LARD-ies
8. give PIZZA chance
7. sitting on the dock of the BA-y-CON
6. are you B-READ-y for love
5. CUCUMBER the moon of love
4. if you SALAD LEAF me now
3. build me up BUTTER-cup
2. LETTUCE be
1. YO-GURT the love
So, back to TWL and Kirstyn was even starring on our news bulletins, bless her. We played out quite a few of the clips from the show and I have to say, I was very proud of her, but don’t let on. She was the strongest link in two of the rounds which is no mean feat. She also managed to mention our station and I even got talked about and duly slagged off. Once she had found out my age and name, she couldn’t believe that anyone of 46 should have a name like ‘Webbo’, cheeky mare. She then got Kirst to sing an Abba song for some reason or another and she even did a dance to it. I did get in quite a bit of trouble from her because I managed to miss it sadly, but I will catch up today and if you missed it, apparently you can see it on line, honestly, modern technology eh?
The other part of the show in which she managed to shine, was when Anne asked her to do an impromptu link that she would do on the breakfast show. It went something along the lines of, “Hi, this is Kirstyn from the breakfast show, the weather is blah blah blah, the traffic is blah blah blah and we are joined in the studio by Anne Robinson and this song is for her, it’s Bitch by Meredith Brooks”. I don’t often take my hat off in her general direction, but I feel it is justified this time.
Well ladies and gentlemen; it would appear that I have finally arrived at the top of my celebrity tree. It’s been a slow but gentle progression from a few fete openings and some ribbon cuttings, but all of that pales in to insignificance when I received the news this morning of something SO monumental that I started to hyper ventilate a touch. The messenger of this historical moment was a lovely lady from Surestart who is also in the picture along with the delightful Kirstyn Read. I’m not going to let the fact that Kirst is in it dampen my spirits and I’m not being horrible here. It’s just that I have been connected with Stanhope since 1967 and have put my time in to deserve this accolade. I was thinking of a more individual shot, perhaps wearing a vest, in front of my Mum’s house gazing into the distance looking thoughtful. Look, I sound ungrateful now and that wasn’t the attention, honest, I’m happy to be in it. But while I am at it, I’ve been put into the December slot when surely if it was thought through correctly, I would have been in January when it’s my birthday (not that I like to talk about my birthday, much, by the way it’s the 17th just in case you were unaware and falls on a Monday next year. Whoops, sorry I mentioned it, dam, just ignore the January 17th mention, pretend it never happened). So this falls in quite nicely with my plan to become Mayor of Stanhope within the next couple of years. Of course I’m well aware that there isn’t an actual post of Mayor of Stanhope, but that doesn’t mean that there can’t be, does it?
Regular listener and self confessed ‘nutter’ Angie, or Mad Ange as I like to call her and I must add, likes to be called, had another go at the merging game today. I have to say, it wasn’t her best attempt, but she had a go. She thought ‘things to do with the seaside’ merged with pop songs would be fun and in a round about kind of way, it was. Her example was Belinda Carlisle’s ‘Circles in the Sand’ and here is your top ten.
10. life-GUARD on Mars
9. under the BOARDWALK
8. sitting on the dock of the BAY-WATCH
7. I wana hold your SAND
6. I’m FISHING on a star
5. bat out of SHELL
4. I want candy-FLOSS
3. PEBBLE yell
2. RUBBER-RING of fire
1. FISH AND C-hips don’t lie
I’m not too sure what aches more today, my head or my feet. I’ve always been a martyr to bunions and frankly I’m never without pain, but you won’t hear me complain. Yesterday we did the kmfm conga for the kids and we had an absolute blast. Not sure how much money we raised just yet, but I will of course keep you informed. We didn’t quite get the numbers that we expected, but those who did make it more than made up for it and I’d like to thank you all, sterling work. I was left speechless by some of the hat attire on show; people put a lot of effort in. I would also like to say a big thanks to our publicans for making us feel very welcome. Rob Dixon and his band a merry men and women for getting up early and making bacon sarnies to set us on our way. A special thanks to Steve and Kaz in The White Horse for making us lunch at their own expense, top effort. We finished off at The George where Tom Dixon laid on more grub and entertainment to finish the day off in style. And in between all that, thanks to the William Harvey, The Hooden on the Hill, The Blacksmiths, The Windmill and The Star.
On Saturday Kirstyn and I were in County Square hosting Ashford’s Got Talent, and we really have got talent, that was made clear. The standard was exceptional and I am so pleased that I didn’t have to judge it. So a big thank you to Mick Hubert, Ben Watson, and last years winners for taking on that unenviable task. The biggest thanks though has to go to you lot who turned up and made the contestants feel very welcome. It’s a nerve racking experience and the last thing you’d want to hear are negativities but there was none of that going on.
My Monday Morning Surgery was a bit slow this morning and I couldn’t help wondering why. Then it dawned on me, its half term and most of you were having a lie-in. For the first time in a long time, I wish it was me as well. I think the next conga we have to take place on a Saturday as getting up at 4.30am after a big day out is not very conducive, especially at my age. By the way, I’ve already thought about next years conga and we will definitely do it in the summer and we will all have to wear beach attire, I’m already excited.
The Right Result Service was also a bit slow, again I’m assuming because of the aforementioned school holidays, but we did get a few. Whilst on the subject of sport, I’m loving the FA Cup draw. If Dover manage to get past Farnborough FC in their replay tomorrow, then they will be up against Gillingham in the next round, a proper local derby. Ashford will be represented by two local lads on opposing sides. There is Barry Fuller of course, who is The Gills captain and playing for Dover will be Tom Wynter who left the Gills last year. And to add more spice to the fixture, The Gills have last years Dover manager and vice versa, surely they will stick it on the goggle-box.
There is SO much going on this weekend it’s unbelievable, trust me. I’ll be telling you about the two particular events I’ll be attending very soon, but here are a few heads up things that might tickle your fancy.
A 4 week ‘shatter fat’ bootcamp is starting on Monday and if you want more information log on to www.fitnessfoundations.co.uk
Fat Badger will be playing at The Windmill pub tonight.
A quiz night is taking place at The Swan Centre tonight at 7.30pm raising money for South Willesborough WI. £2 to enter and call 01233 628202 for more info.
There is an Equator music competition at The Norton Knatchbull school today from 8.00pm, adults £6 and children £4.
The Ashford and Tenterden Samaritan’s are holding an open day tomorrow from 1.30pm at 22 Queen Street Ashford.
Tomorrow night at Homelands, the home of Ashford Town, The Vintage Corporation will be performing from 7.30pm onwards and entrance will be 5 quid.
Also you can catch live music at The William Harvey pub, also on Saturday, featuring The Undercover Band from 9.00pm.
If you do want your club, pub or organisation’s event publicised then drop Kirstyn or I a line and we will shove it on, I am www.jwebster@kmfm.co.uk or www.kread@kmfm.co.uk
So tomorrow, if you didn’t already know, Kirstyn and I will be in County Square from 11.00am as we host Ashford’s Got Talent and we are there until 2.00pm, so do come down and join in the fun.
Then this Sunday the long awaited KMFM Conga for the Kids is finally upon us and it is going to be the event of the year and one that you will only regret if you miss it, so here is the itinerary so you don’t have an excuse. All you need is a hat and 5 quid and you are in. Sponsorship would be nice but a necessity, but donations would be lovely. There is also a big old raffle taking place and you can buy tickets from the pubs listed below, so here you have the agenda.
10.30-11.45; The Albion. Join us from the outset and a bacon sarnie courtesy of the talented Mr. Robert Dixon, a pound a pop.
Mid day; Arrive at The William Harvey pub
12.45ish; Arrive at The Hooden on the Hill
13.30; Arrive at The White Horse where Steve and Kaz will provide soup and a roll for a small donation.
14.30; Arrive at The Blacksmiths Arms
15.15; Arrive at The Windmill
16.00; Arrive at our penultimate location The Star where registration will take place and this is the last chance to join in the conga.
16.45; The conga begins and it’s up East Hill and in to Town.
15.00ish; We arrive at The George where music will greet us as well as some food for the weary and the raffle will be drawn.
You really do not want to miss out, its going to be fantastic and we will raise a shed load of money for Find a Voice.
So, if you read my blog yesterday, you will be well aware that I had to dash off early to deliver a inspirational and aspirational speech to our very own marketing department. Well, if I say so myself, I think it went very well. The feedback seemed positive and in fact they’ve asked me back to talk to the next bunch. I new I shouldn’t have tried so hard. It’s very weird talking about your life to strangers, because I don’t think my story is that great at all. As I’ve said before, their first choice was Jamie Staff, Olympic gold medal winner, now that truly is something to boast about.
Because I had to run off early I didn’t have time to print yesterdays merging game, I do get in a bit of trouble with you lot when I don’t print it the merge, so you are in for a double whammy today, so like it or lump it. Yesterdays was one of the strangest I’ve ever been given and I had a few concerns as to if it would work, but I shouldn’t have been such a doubting Thomas. It was submitted to me by Holly from Smeeth, ready for it, the combination was ‘long things that you might find in the household AND pop songs and her example was Poker Face. Before I give you the top ten, I want to thank you all for keeping it clean, you pleasantly surprised me.
10. I want you back-SCRATCHER
9. When I need-LE love
8. Candle-STICK in the wind
7. MOP in the name of love
6. Man in the FULL LENGTH mirror
5. Under the IRONING-board walk
4. HAT-STAND and deliver
3. Something in the AERIAL tonight
2. Super LOOFAH
1. BROOM BROOM shake shake the room
Congratulations to each and every one of you, flipping geniuses. Just a quick note before I move on to the next merge, remember this date 21.10.10 and exactly 11 minutes passed 8 and 23 seconds, Kirstyn Read and I actually agreed with me about something, incredible, I know. I can’t really remember what it was but that’s not the point is it?
Anyway, today’s merge was given to me by Sarah from the Kingsnorth Road and was breakfast items and pop songs, her example was CHEERIO baby by UB40, see what she’s done there.
10. FROSTIES the snowman
9. MARMALay-LAD-y-lay
8. FULL ENGLISH breakfast at Tiffany’s
7. Prince cup of char-MING
6. POP s-TART me up
5. HASH-brown sugar
4. Paint it black-PUDDING
3. Sitting on the dock of the BAGEL or sitting on the dock of the BACON SARNIE
2. CRUNCHY nut bush city limits
1. OME-LETTE it be
It’s another one of those ‘keep it brief as I’m off doing something else days’ today. As it happens, this time round I’m off to Raik Hill (I think it’s near Canterbury) to give an inspirational/aspirational speech to the KM groups marketing department, I couldn’t be more nervous. Apparently 90% of the audience are women, and we all know what you lot are like don’t we? So I’ve had a shave a put on some of my best ‘glad rags’ because I don’t want to be judged before I’ve even started. After years of being a hellraising womanizer, I know you well enough to understand that first impressions count for quite a lot. So please, spare me a thought as I enter the Lions den at about mid-day, I’ll need all of you to send some good vibes.
Just briefly though, we had a little chat about dying art forms such as knitting, sewing and whistling, yes I know it’s a bit random but that’s what we do. Knitting seems to be something only my Mum does, and doesn’t seem to be passed down to the next generation. What my Mum did teach me though was the art of sewing and in particular, darning. Mainly darning is used for repairing clothes I would suggest, and primarily socks. Too often in the ‘throw away society’ we live in, you get a hole in your sock and lob them out, well not on my watch you don’t. A simple bit of darning and the sock is a good as new, if not better. I have some good tips on how to become an accomplished darner, so feel free to drop me a line and I’ll pass on my expertise. And finally, the art of whistling seems to have skipped a generation and I for one won’t stand for it. I love a good old ‘whistle-up’ it‘s a great way of showing off how happy you are and that you are at one with yourself. When do you hear a good shrill whistle coming from the pursed lips of builders these days, or window cleaners? Actually, I’m pretty sure that to get a job as a window cleaner you had to pass a whistling exam.
Of course there was so much more in our non award winning award winning show but time has got the better of me and I must fly the nest, but fear not, I’ll be back tomorrow with all of today’s information, another merge and of course what the best bits from our next show. For now my friends, take care, look after yourselves and be good to each other.
Here’s an interesting request that I hope you can help me with. It’s a bit last minute, but I reckon you lot can still come up trumps for me. I hope by this stage you are well aware that this Sunday is the KMFM Conga for the Kids and we will hopefully be breaking a world record. What I really want, is as the conga begins to emerge from The Star and make it’s way up East Hill towards The George, I’d love a brass band playing the tune to inspire the crowd towards their goal. Please drop me an e mail to www.jwebster@kmfm.co.uk and I thank you in advance. It will be at about 4.30 in the afternoon.
We had a bit a Venus versus Mars moment today (you know what I mean, the whole man from a different planet to women thing and by the way, I suppose we have at least a moment a day now I think about it). It was on the back of a happy 18th birthday wish for a listener that got us thinking of our 18th’s. Mine was miserable as for one reason or another I decided to go out without my i/d for a change. It seemed to make sense at the time, that as I was now legal to have an alcoholic drink, why on earth would anyone question me. In hindsight it was very naïve, how were they to know what I was celebrating for a start and secondly, I still looked fifteen. It was humiliating enough being asked before the coming of age, let alone when I’d actually arrived. Kirstyn on the other hand used to quite enjoy being asked for identification of proof, because they liked (the girls) knowing they looked younger. Then on further thought, she didn’t actually ever get asked. Girls do tend to look older at that age, I’m sure it’s the make up that helps. She just couldn’t see my point at all, but why was I surprised by that. These days of course we are gagging for someone, anyone, to tell us we look younger than our years, it never does happen mind you, or is that just me?
Just a quick count up of Kirstyn’s general conversation pieces. Cash (her dog) mentions = 4; Jack (her son) mentions = 6; Food references = too many to mention; Man hating = 2 and finally Getting Married mentions = a staggering zero, I know it’s tough to believe, but don’t hold your breathe because she’ll probably make up for it tomorrow.
Today’s merge was very simple, but very effective I like to think. It was basically people’s names in songs and here are the pick of the bunch.
10. Come on EILEEN (Dexy’s)
9. I don’t like MANDY’S (RATS)
8. LUCY in the sky with diamonds
7. JACK your body (Steve Silk Hurley)
6. Amazing GRACE (some bagpipe player)
5. Jilted JOHN (jilted John)
4. Song for who-HEATHER (Beautiful South)
3. RITA Petite (Jackie Wilson)
2. KIRST-IN the air tonight (Phil Collins)
1. Don’t cry for me MARGE and TINA
Oh the joys of Autumn. I managed to get soaked not just once or indeed twice but three separate drenchings as I watched my son play football, honestly the things you go through as a parent. Worked on Saturday night down The George, our proud sponsors of The Breakfast Show, and I know I’ve said it before but I’m going to say it again, it was the busiest to date. You came from far a field to pay homage to the greatest dance tunes of the late 70’s and 80’s and rock your little socks off.
Saturday morning was quite interesting as I started getting text after text about my apparent appearance in The Sun newspaper. I hadn’t purchased that particular edition so I had no idea about the why’s or wherefores of my subsequent mention, but it all became clear after a phone call from my co-host. It turns out my ex boss and friend Mr Christopher Evans (you may have heard of him, he used to be famous and by all accounts does a breakfast show of his own somewhere or another) has released the second part of his autobiography. It’s kind of where I turn up on the scene and ruin everything basically. So I had plenty of quips sent through to me and indeed I still am.
Kirstyn, just in case you are interested, spent the weekend, it would appear, watching DVD’s.
The Monday Morning Surgery was cancelled this morning as I had a problem with the computer that allows me to take calls and texts. I thought it was some disastrous IT problem that needed urgent attention and a professional, but what do I know. Turns out it was completely my fault and I hadn’t turned it on properly, hey ho. So my apologies for not being there for you, but if you do have a gripe or a groan, a mope or a moan, just drop me a line and I’ll do my very best to ease your woes. I’ve always quite fancied myself as a bit of an agony aunt, or uncle if you will.
Got another Christmas lights switch on in the bag. So thank you Hamstreet and especially Sheila for asking me, the more I get the merrier and makes me feel good about myself, oh yeah, it’s all about me. I’m still smarting over losing the Tenterden lights, heaven knows what I did wrong, it all seemed to go very smoothly. As they say, I’d turn up for the opening of an envelope.
Right, let’s get back to yesterday when I sadly had to leave early and go to the dentist. By the way, while we’re at it, the visit went very well and I have a lovely clean Hollywood smile now.
If you remember, we dedicated yesterdays merge to the brave Chilean minors by mixing up pop songs with jobs and the classic Macca and Jacko hit the girl is mine inspired The Girl is Mine-or, so here are my favourite ten.
10. BUILD-ER me up buttercup
9. The POLICE-man in the mirror
8. Sex on fire-MEN
7. Papa was a rolling stone-MASON
6. My girl lollipop-LADY
5. Joe le taxi-DRIVER
4. I like driving in my car-PENTER
3. Another one bites the dust-MAN
2. Another brick-LAYER in the wall
1. Rocking all over the WELDER
I was a very proud man last night as I went down to Homelands, the home of Ashford Town Kent FC, to sit in on my first meeting of the newly formed committee. It’s back to basics as we try to build a local team, with local players and a local committee dedicated to putting the team back on the map. There were lots of very interesting subjects broached and all of it positive as we pull in the same direction (for a change). I won’t go in to details just yet, but rest assured everything done will be very transparent and you will all know exactly what is happening, team wise and financially. It is such an exciting time and I as well as kmfm and the KE will be getting behind them 100% as we strive to pull ourselves up by our boot-laces. We want to run this as a consortium and we will need as much help as possible, your support is priority. One of the complaints, since the club left Essella Road, is the accessibility of the place. Of course when it was just off of Hythe Road, for most it was a short walk or bus ride, now it’s a bit of a mission. I think we should also make this a priority because we HAVE to get people through the gates again. Also we want to make it a social occasion, get people in early and get them to stay afterwards. A winning team will always put more on the gate and achieving that is obviously top of the list, but we will try to offer more and make it a proper day out for the family. Watch this space!
I was off ribbon cutting this morning in Park Mall. I was more than happy to be involved as it saddens me to see so many empty shops down that part of Town. Hopefully, the powers that be would consider dropping the prices of the rent and try to attract more businesses, surely the logic is simple, speculate to accumulate. We all want the Town to thrive as well as the economy, so come on, sort it out. Whoops, sorry about that, bit of a Kirstyn ‘soapbox’ moment. Anyway, it was the old D&A opticians which has now merged (I do love a merge) with Boots. I had a quick bucks fizz and a muffin then it was down to business and the ribbon cut, which I reckon I have mastered now. If there is a better ‘ribbon cutter’ in Town, I’d like to meet them.
Have an incredible weekend and I look forward already to renewing our relationship 6’o clock sharp on Monday.The Monday Morning Surgery was of course open for business as per normal. I’m here for you, as you try to recover from the trials and tribulations of the weekend and probably all your overindulgences. I know exactly how you feel because that basically what I’m going through at this precise time. It’s tough enough getting up at the crack of dawn, but the old adrenalin kicks in and helps you get through the morning. It’s when the show is finished that the exhaustion really kicks in. So I am writing this through squinty eyes, not just because its tough to focus at the moment, but in my haste this morning I forgot my glasses, so please excuse me if there are more errors than normal. It was once again a diverse and wide ranging topic of conversations that were laid in front of me, but all bar none were well received, so thank you one and all. Just in case you don’t ever quite catch the relevant numbers for contacting me, then here they are in black and white. Telephone is 01233 610761 or you can text me on 80889 and always start your message with KMFM.
The Right Result Service has to the most popular feature we have on the breakfast show as you lot besiege us with everything from football, netball, rugby, karate, hockey, and so on and so forth.
For some strange reason Kirstyn thought I was being flippant when talking about The Beavers, which of course is part of the great Scout movement. She thought I was winding her up when I had to watch my Charlie swear his allegiance to the beaver and how proud I was of him.
Kirstyn seemed very happy (I know, that makes a change) with her recent baking exploits and has brought in her latest batch. She has made rock cakes this time and I can see why they are called that. Honestly, if you threw one it would take somebody’s eye out, but look, she’s having a go.
Finally, I’d like to thank the staff and pupils of Furley Park school for being so lovely to us both on Friday. We went down there to judge the fancy dress competition they held for ‘book club week’ and they were all brilliant. I hate doing the judging so I left that one to Kirstyn who thrives on it. And a big thank you to Stuart from The Wheel in Westwell for being such a genial host as we celebrated the hand over of the cheque from the Heather Wynter Cycle for Life bike ride for nigh on 26 grand.
I'm so sorry, I feel I have to apologise as it would seem I have been rather remiss in publishing my merging game recently. So let me rectify that immediately and give you today's, which happens to be local businesses and pop songs.
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